Then You Look at Me
by TessaSpencer
Summary: CJHoynes: Two people who think that they totally hate each other realize that the emotions they feel might run deeper than loathing


1_______  
  
It has been happening more and more lately. I've been having dreams of her.  
  
They are wonderful, erotic dreams that hardly change from night to night. Sometimes the dream ends early in the night, leaving me to think about it all night long, and sometimes I have several dreams, all variations on the same theme, all night long.  
  
Small details change-what's she's wearing, or where we meet--but ultimately they all lead to the same place and the same actions. We go to my bedroom and we make love for what seems like forever. We whisper words of love and devotion until we fall asleep cradled in each other's arms.  
  
Many nights I lay in bed, in that state between awake and asleep, and I wonder how she tastes and feels. Does she always smell as wonderful as she does when we're at the office?  
  
Does she know how much she turns me (and every other man in the White House) on?  
  
And eventually I fall asleep.  
  
I dream that we're in a ballroom, dancing to the music of a full orchestra. We're laughing and I can feel her breathing against my neck.  
  
I love her laugh-it's always so honest and throaty when she's with me in my dreams. What's more important is that she doesn't offer that laugh to the rest of the world. Instead, it's a laugh that I've heard before, but cannot place. The laugh in my dreams is more clear than her ordinary one, and it doesn't intend to hide insecurities or to fit in.  
  
She's assaulting my senses. Not only does she sound amazing, and taste and smell wonderful, but she also looks exquisite. She's wearing a silk gown- it's very form fitting and sleek-and the deep blue shimmers fantastically under the lights. She's awe inspiring.  
  
Then, there's the way she moves in my arms. Soft swaying that allows her body to press against mine at just the right time, letting her hip brush against my groin to entice me.  
  
Not that I need much enticing.  
  
And so, in my dreams, I lead her away from the ballroom to my bedroom. We don't need to hide our exit, or feign discretion. We leave together, indifferent as to who watches us, my hand on the small of her back.  
  
Once in my bedroom, our touches are electrical and passionate, but we don't feel like new lovers who clumsily move and are insecure. We're very comfortable-like we've done this before and we know that we'll do it many times again.  
  
Everything about her is seductive and consuming. I hit the point of sensory overload as we kiss and undress each other. Her taste. Her scent. Her touch. The way she feels. The way her breathing sounds as we touch each other-so ragged and fast, eagerly anticipating what is to come.  
  
But last night, this is where I awoke.  
  
I could feel my body drop into consciousness quickly, and become overwhelmed by a falling sensation, like a sudden drop on a roller coaster. My heart was racing and I couldn't tell if it was because of my dream, or the manner in which I awoke.  
  
I just laid there. Mostly startled, and unable to return to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw snapshots of my dream.  
  
Her dress. Us dancing. Her...  
  
So now, even hours after coming to work, I am distracted by her and my dreams.  
  
I shouldn't be. We work together-well, not really, but ultimately we do both serve at the pleasure of the President.  
  
As well, she wouldn't want anything to do with me. It's a thing. Every one has to hate the Vice-President because I'm apparently an evil son of a bitch. Like the anti-Christ or something.  
  
I asked Janine to get me her FBI file. She looked at me like I just put in the call to have her mother killed, or something.  
  
Oh well, the folder should be here soon, and then I can learn more about his woman I love so passionately and completely in my dreams, but know nothing of in reality.  
  
Isn't it funny how you can find your true love in your dreams, but in the waking world, you are forever lonely?  
  
There is a knock at the door before it opens. "Here's the file on CJ Cregg that you requested. I also have her personnel file." Janine places both of the folders on the desk in front of me.  
  
"Thank you Janine. Let me know when I have to leave for that meeting with Stackhouse, ok?"  
  
She smiles and nods as she excuses herself, probably wondering what the Vice-President of the United States wants with information on the Press Secretary.  
  
I pick up the folder and contemplate what I am about to do. Normally I am unaffected by this-intruding in someone's personal life-but with CJ, I am nervous. What if I want her more after I read this?  
  
From my pocket, I take my glasses and prop them on my nose. I have a great deal of reading to do.  
  
2__________  
  
"Janine, where are my messages?" John Hoynes settles in behind his desk, slumping into the high-backed leather chair that he has grown to love.  
  
The meeting with Stackhouse had not gone well. John was distracted after reading the folders. Not that he hadn't been before, but now he knows everything about her, and is further intrigued by this woman.  
  
Not that CJ was the only reason that things didn't work out at the meeting.  
  
The senator has been over ambitious since his successful filibuster and has been attempting to attach numerous amendments to bills ever since.  
  
And so they dispatched John to hopefully knock some sense into the old man. It was strange for John to be told to handle someone, but he does have a past with this senator in particular-John's father had been good friends with Senator Stackhouse.  
  
So John decided to take the meeting, and hopefully score some points in the West Wing. With all of the talk of him being taken off the ticket for 2002 election (despite Bartlet's objection and eventual veto of the idea) John still feels the need to prove himself. The next question is obvious though.  
  
To whom?  
  
But Stackhouse just bitched and threatened through out the meeting, with little regard to whom he was speaking.  
  
Yes, on one hand, he was talking to little Johnny, the kid who broke his car window many, MANY years ago, but on the other hand, he was talking to the Vice President, and that position demands a little respect.  
  
After twenty-five minutes of being patronized, John lost his temper. He raised his voice, uncharacteristically loudly, and stood to his full stature, to 'set the man straight', John told himself. After his brief rant, he settled back into his chair, and waited for the conversation to  
  
resume. The meeting never quite rebounded after that.  
  
"Mr Vice-President, there's a message that they want you in the Oval in an hour." Janine passes several other notes to him as well.  
  
"I hope Margaret didn't keep you on the phone gossiping the entire time I was with the old man." John laughs-there's been a couple of occasions now that he's been cornered by Margaret. She actually quite amuses him-not that he'd ever tell her that.  
  
"Mr McGarry barked the order himself. Something about you singlehandedly bringing down this administration." Janine's eyes are unusually wide.  
  
It would seem, John thinks, that there's yet another problem in oz...  
  
"Clear my afternoon, Janine. I have a feeling that this will be a very long day, and not much fun." With that, John runs his hand through his hair and leans back into his chair.  
  
He has one hour to figure out what's going on.  
  
3_____ Standing in Leo McGarry's outer office is an adventure in itself. Margaret is poised behind her desk, typing away at her keyboard, and mumbling something incoherent about the cookies in the commissary.  
  
"Margaret, Leo does plan on seeing me sometime in the next decade, yes?" John moves closer to the desk, attempting to peer over her shoulder and see what's she's typing.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Vice President, but he's just in a meeting with CJ." Margaret returns to her typing. From where he stands, he can read the e-mail she is typing. 'The cookies aren't really baked!' is the first line of the text.  
  
Oh dear, Lord. What is Margaret up to now? Aren't her spamming days over?  
  
"I AM NOT A BABYSITTER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE LEO!" CJ's voice, yelling at full volume, can be heard through the closed doors.  
  
"Well, she sounds happy, doesn't she?" John smiles impishly at Margaret, secretly thankful that he' s not in there with them.  
  
"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! THIS ISN'T MY JOB! I HAVE MY HANDS FULL WITH THE FRAT BOYS!"  
  
"She's been yelling like that for the last twenty minutes. I think Leo will be happy to have someone else in there to yell at. Don't worry, it'll only be a few more minutes." Margaret resumes her typing exercise, and smiles, knowing that she'll get to see more of America's most eligible bachelor in the next few weeks.  
  
John settles into the corner, while his agents stand at a close distance around him.  
  
Moments later, the door to Leo's office flies open.  
  
"Mr. Vice President, how wonderful to see you! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW!" Leo's friendly voice changes almost instantly into one of anger and his smile disappears.  
  
As John enters the office, he sees CJ sitting in an armchair off to the side of Leo's desk. She looks amazing, even when she's pissed off!  
  
**Why does he have that stupid look on his face. He SO looks like he just got laid...NO! Bad thought, don't go there. He's an idiot! That's why he can be Vice President. He's attractive, so he gets the vote despite his stupidity.** "We're just waiting for the President to finish a phone call and then we'll all be going over. Do you have anything you want to say before we get in there?" Leo sits behind his desk, once again regaining composure.  
  
Leo's little outburst is a little unusual, considering it is directed towards the Vice President of the United States. Then again, this is Leo, and his temper is hardly ever controlled.  
  
"Should I?" John forces a smile and tries to understand what's going on.  
  
"Perhaps silence is best. You've done enough damage." CJ shoots John a glance that should scare him, but instead he is too busy thinking about the way she crosses her legs and sits back into the chair.  
  
**He's impossible. How could he ever become a politician, let alone Vice President?**  
  
Oh God, those legs.  
  
"Smiling may not be the way to approach this topic when we discuss it with the President. Just a word of advice." CJ shifts forward in her chair, apparently unaware of John's fixation with her legs and that from this angle, he can see the lace edging of her bra.  
  
"Ah, so what topic are we approaching with the President?" John tries to wipe the grin off of his face, but with the view his mind slips back to his dreams.  
  
In his dreams, when John was touching her skin, and kissing his way over her breasts. Stopping, and sucking on each one gently...Snap out of it.  
  
"You pissing off a senator who has the respect of most of the country, but that's just to start." Jed walks through the door, apparently having been standing there for a few minutes.  
  
Still, no one in the office seems to understand John's distraction, or his growing discomfort as he shifts from foot to foot.  
  
"Come on in, we have to talk strategy." Jed waves his hand toward the door, and waits for them to follow.  
  
John takes a moment too long, and CJ gets pissed.  
  
"Hey, you know what Mr. Vice President, why don't you tell the President you 'don't have time for his bullshit', you know, 'SINCE HE'S JUST TRYING TO GET BACK IN THE GAME', AND ALL!" CJ's words totally floor him.  
  
John looks first to Jed, and then to Leo who merely shrugs. If there's one thing that Leo has learned about CJ, it's not to stand her in her way when she's going for the jugular. Stepping in can be fatal, as many poor reporters have learned.  
  
"Wow CJ, frustrated much?" John tries to repress the urge to ask her when she last got laid, and moves on. "Let's just talk like reasonable adults."  
  
"Oh, like you did with Stackhouse?" Leo sits down in his 'normal' chair, and waits for the Vice President to respond.  
  
"Must I remind everyone that I was sent to diffuse him, and not court him?" John looks around the group, noting that a familiar scent is filling the room.  
  
Okay John, now is NOT the time to be thinking about her.  
  
"Ah, I can see how you might confuse courtship with standard consideration. I mean, telling the senator he's a has-been grasping for straws...now that, that could be considered borderline courtship-ya know, IF YOU'RE COURTING A MASOCHIST!" CJ slides onto the couch, her hands clenching the fabric at her knees.  
  
"May I ask what kind of experience you have in courting a masochist? I mean, seriously CJ, maybe that's what we need to be discussing, and not the discomfort of Stackhouse." John realizes that he may be pushing too many buttons, but by keeping her pissed at him, John has an advantage-she still seems unreasonable. And incredibly hot.  
  
"John, may I advise you to shut up, 'cause she's gonna be the one to dig you out of this." Jed angles his body towards the younger man, and watches as he deflates.  
  
"What, may I ask, does CJ have to dig me out of?" John trails his eyes along her collarbone and long neck. In his dreams, he often spends time kissing his way up and down this area, and right now, he wants to reach out and grab her.  
  
"What do you think, you idiot?" CJ realizes she might have pushed that one too far. "I mean, you insult a Senator, who, after a serious filibuster (with which we helped him, I might add) gets a little greedy. You call him old. You call him a has-been. You tell him it's just a matter of time before he dies, so he might as well bide his time. Any of this sounding vaguely familiar?" She clenches her teeth, waiting for his rebuttal.  
  
"The death thing is relatively new to me. Maybe he misunderstood me when I said that he should roll over and die gracefully. Otherwise, yes, it's all true." John smiles.  
  
CJ's prepared for a long fight and John isn't helping her build a case against Stackhouse.  
  
**God, is he intentionally this dense?** CJ runs her hand over her skirt and then leans forward again. "It doesn't matter how it got out there-although we all know how it did-but what you said to Stackhouse has made it to the media, and now they're pushing that this administration doesn't have time for the Senior Citizens of America or the farmers, 'cause that's what you were there to talk about, before you decided to assault him. Oh yes, and he says that this administration doesn't care about people who dedicate their lives to better this country. All we care about is, ultimately, the votes-which, by the way, he says that we shouldn't receive in November." CJ breathes for a moment, after what feels like speaking for hours, and prepares for the next part. "HE'S TELLING THEM TO VOTE REPUBLICAN IF BARTLET RUNS AGAIN! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DESPERATE THAT LOOKS?"  
  
"Oh." Is all John manages to voice.  
  
"Needless to say, CJ will be digging you out of this one, and will now work with your Press Secretary on all future topics until the re-election at least," Leo tells the awe struck Vice President.  
  
CJ shoots both men a glare, as the only way in which she can show them how much she hates them right now.  
  
"So, CJ. Are you coming back to the OEOB with me right now?" John looks almost hopeful as he asks, and realizes he had better come down from the high he's on, under the circumstances.  
  
"No, CJ will stay and discuss strategy here with Leo and me, and you will have her this afternoon." Jed waves him off as if to dismiss John.  
  
"I am not a possession! I will be over to the OEOB to save your ass later, is what the President meant to say." CJ looks frustrated, and tired of all of this already.  
  
"I'll see you then." John smiles as he leaves the room.  
  
I get to spend the afternoon with CJ. How am I going to control all of these things running through my mind?  
  
4______  
  
"Janine, would you please bring me that file on internet in the classroom, please?" John hits the intercom button to turn it off, and then returns his attention to his laptop.  
  
He spent the better part of the morning (after his meeting with CJ, Leo and the President) trying to devise a plan for his meeting with CJ this afternoon.  
  
His biggest concern is his thought pattern. When he's around CJ, all he can think about is his dreams, and what they do in them. This, he thinks, is probably not conducive to a comfortable working relationship.  
  
And so, John devises what he thought to be a good plan. Whenever he begins to let his mind wander, he will think about the President's last State of the Union Address, which he somehow remembers verbatim.  
  
This plan, John tells himself, is absolutely perfect. What is less sexy than the President behind a podium, discussing health care, education and campaign reform?  
  
Janine re-enters the office and hands over a manilla folder. "The agents say that CJ is on her way over. Should I just send her in when she gets here?"  
  
"Sure, thanks Janine." John manages to choke out the words, but shit, he realizes that he's already forgotten the State of the Union Address. The mere mention of CJ's name, and he's barely able to recall his own name!  
  
Okay, new plan. Try not to look directly at her. God, this sounds ridiculous, but let's face it, if I look at her, I'm gonna wanna jump her. Nope, I've got to look over her shoulder, or at her hair or something. Anything but at her face or body!  
  
There is a soft knock on the door, but John doesn't hear it. He doesn't hear the door open either.  
  
"Good afternoon, Mr. Vice President." CJ closes the door behind her and walks towards the desk, notebook in hand.  
  
**What planet is he on? He looks like a deer caught in headlights.**  
  
Oh no. This is going to be a disaster.  
  
"Uh, good afternoon CJ." John shifts awkwardly in his chair. "Have a seat. Relax."  
  
"Relax, huh? I don' think so. Let's just get this done, okay? I have other matters I have to attend to." CJ's words are very matter of fact, to the point where John is noticeably hurt.  
  
"I know you hate me CJ, and I'll..." John tries to sound as professional as possible, especially under the circumstances. "I'll learn to live with that, but this is the office of the Vice President of the United States of America and I would appreciate it if you would show it the respect it deserves."  
  
**Wow. Is it possible that he actually has some form of a heart, and I've just penetrated it? Is he actually offended, or is this all a part of the show?**  
  
"If it's going to be such an inconvenience for you, why don't you send Simon next time?" John looks back at his laptop and closes the page that he had been visiting. He had been doing some research on the Napa valley and all things California before CJ arrived, but suddenly he can't stand to look at it.  
  
Instead, John clicks the buttons to check his e-mail, only to see that he has one new message, and that it's from his sister. It's a sudden realization that hits him-the only person he associates with outside of work is his sister.  
  
Christ, I'm pathetic.  
  
"Okay, will you please not ignore me, because I'm here to help you." CJ, now having recovered from the shock that John Hoynes may indeed be a human with real feelings, is once again pissed at him. She's feeling ignored.  
  
Like I could ignore you. John looks up from his keyboard to see that she has once again leaned forward, this time propping herself up on his desk. FUCK!  
  
"What do you want from me? Do you want me to be happy that my workload's just doubled?" CJ's words sound more like a plea for answers than she had intended them to.  
  
I want you to want me half as much as I crave you...I want you to love me, and to come home with me. I want you to not hate me.  
  
"You shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answers to." John realizes after he speaks that he was just too honest with her, and can only hope she doesn't understand the implications of what he just said.  
  
"Do you always act like you're superior to everyone else?" I know you're too good for me. Why else would I hide these feelings?  
  
"I'm not acting superior to you. Christ CJ! I'm just trying to make this mess easier on all of us. Leo said to work with you and here I am!"  
  
Her bra is still visible...There are millimetres of white lace peeking out at me, tempting me...God CJ, would you just sit back in your chair? Please? You're killing me!  
  
CJ leans further back in her chair and crosses her legs.  
  
That's not any better!  
  
"Mr Vice President, with all due respect, you can't honestly believe that this is co-operation, can you?"  
  
I AM co-operating. It's my body that's acting like a fifteen year old boy in love with his teacher.  
  
"I'm here, aren't I?"  
  
"Oh yeah. You showed up in your own office when the President told you to be here. You're just awesome." CJ says mockingly.  
  
Give me a chance and I'll show you awesome. You're not the only one who's great in bed.  
  
"Jeez CJ, I think you're swell." John's retort is spoken with the same sickeningly sweet tone that she just used on him.  
  
**I'm not enjoying this game. I'm tired. I'm PMS-ing, and I've got to be getting sick 'cause I'm hallucinating-that's a sign of a fever, right? I'm beginning to wonder if he does have some degree of sex appeal. In that neanderthal way, of course.**  
  
"Aw, how sweet. Can we get to work now, or do we have to continue this game of cat and mouse?" CJ sighs. "I have dozens of vultures waiting for an explanation as to what happened."  
  
Hmm...Cat and mouse. That could be fun. Who's who? Either scenario could be fun.  
  
"Well, what do we need to do to fix this then?" John eases back in his chair, allowing his eyes to travel up her legs to her hips and then her breasts.  
  
Face, I HAVE to look at her face! If I keep looking at her body, there could be an incident.  
  
**He's got that look on his face again. What's going on? I feel like I'm out of the loop or something.**  
  
"Mr. Vice President, is there anything that you'd like to tell me or that you feel I should know?"  
  
FUCK! She knows! What do I say? I've been dreaming about you? I want to make you scream my name? I want to kiss every inch of your body and touch you?  
  
His eyes widen and his jaw drops. "I...I don't think so, why? Why do you ask?"  
  
"Are you sure?" CJ asks her question in a tone that is half suspecting a sudden confession.  
  
No, not really, but reaching across the desk and kissing you isn't really an option. Well, not an option that won't force my resignation anyway.  
  
"Oh, I'm sure."  
  
**I've got to admit, his voice has a subtle drawl to it, and it's sort of sexy. If that's your type.**  
  
"Okay, well, let's do it then." CJ takes her pen from her leather bound clip board and twirls it in between her long fingers.  
  
Do what? Oh, yeah, damn. Not quite the context I had in mind for when I would hear her say 'let's do it'  
  
"Yeah, let's go."  
  
This can't get any more awkward, can it?  
  
**Please, dear God, let me have a fever.**  
  
5___________ The meeting carried on in much the same manner and tone. Everything CJ said evoked a memory or sensation in John and many things that he said had triggered things in her.  
  
CJ left early, telling everyone that she wasn't feeling well and thought that she must be coming down with the flu. Before she could make her exit, however, she stopped by the OEOB again and reminded the Janine to tell him that there were to be no conversations with the press without her approval.  
  
Around 4:30 pm, while CJ's laying in bed trying to fall asleep, the phone rings.  
  
"Hello." CJ pulls the blanket up around her body.  
  
"Ceej, it's me, Leo. The Vice-President is going to make his apology to Stackhouse, and I thought that you may want to watch."  
  
"I thought we all agreed that tomorrow, when I could be there, was better?" CJ shifts up in her bed, reaching for her remote control.  
  
"The President didn't want to wait. He felt that this had to be addressed now, and I had to agree with him." Leo stops. "Are you still pissed at me?"  
  
"Never mind, I'm going to watch it now." Her words leave Leo assured that she is still indeed pissed at him.  
  
"Alright. Feel better, will ya?" Leo hangs up the phone and sighs.  
  
As CJ flips channels, trying to get to CNN, she notices advertisement after advertisement for feminine hygiene products.  
  
**Why are there so many damn tampon commercials? Jesus, all I want is a nice break from reality.**  
  
Continuing to surf channels, she stops on a music channel, and watches as a rocker in a video makes rude gestures with his guitar.  
  
**Okay, well that was gross. Why can't these new rock stars be classy and sexy like Rod Stewart or Billy Joel?** The channels continue to change quickly, and only once she finds the comfort of her favourite news station does she put down the remote.  
  
A familiar face smiles through the television at her. "Vice President John Hoynes called a press conference today and we're expecting an explanation for the events surrounding the confrontation with Senator Stackhouse. Let's go now to Chris who's standing by in the White House."  
  
CJ sighs. **My briefing room-it looks good. I miss it already.**  
  
"The Vice President is scheduled to appear here in the next few minutes or so. As already reported, we expect him to apologize for earlier comments that he made to Senator Stackhouse. The comments were negative on both personal and professional levels, however what seems to be the most serious threat thus far is the reaction of many republicans. They have voiced a concern that the comments show a lack of discipline and respect in the Bartlet White House." Chris ends her rant and directions towards the podium. **Okay, so the vultures are already being fed by the republicans. This isn't good.**  
  
"Good afternoon everyone. I will keep this brief and hopfeully we'll all be on our way home soon." John places one hand at the centre of the podium. Had anyone been standing close enough they would have seen a picture of CJ standing at the same podium, cut from a magazine. Luckily, no one is near enough to notice. "Comments made in a private conversation between me and Senator Stackhouse have been released for public consumption. Some of these comments are true, and I deeply regret having been so short tempered with him. I hold the sole responsibility for my actions which, might I add, do not reflect the attitude of this administration. Now, some of the comments reported have been false. For those of you who felt it necessary to create the news, I feel deeply sorry for you. It is not your job to fabricate the news, but to report it. As well, we know who you are and will be paying particular attention in the future as to what your headlines say." John slides his hands down the sides of the podium and looks around the room.  
  
Where is she? Christ, after the production she made at the meeting, I thought she'd be here watching that I don't mis-step. Is she still that pissed off at me? I mean, it's bad enough that Leo had to tell me to do this now-she can't even face me?  
  
"I will take a couple of questions." John feigns composure.  
  
"Mr. Vice President, can you tell us what happened to motivate the conversation?"  
  
"It is my belief that private means private," John begins. "However I will tell you that we were both angry and acted unfairly."  
  
"Yes," Danny began, "but why were you in that meeting?"  
  
"I was asked by Leo McGarry to take the meeting, and I did. It was nothing unusual."  
  
**Oh shit, they're leading him.**Picking up the phone, CJ dialled Simon's pager number and pressed in 7-8-6-7--the numbers that spelled 'stop' on the keypad.  
  
Moments later, Simon breezes on to the platform and leans toward John.  
  
**Good work Simon.**  
  
"I'm sorry, but I have to be going now. Thank you all for your time." John gathers his notes and the picture, and walks towards the door while the press frantically snap pictures.  
  
"Mr. Vice President, I will need to speak with you soon, but first I've got to call CJ. I'll meet you in your office in half an hour." Simon turns frantically, ready to run back to his office and have a discussion about strategy with CJ.  
  
Okay, I have to ask. Please, oh please Simon, don't tell me that she doesn't want to work with me.  
  
"Why am I not working with CJ?"  
  
"She's gone home sick for the day." Simon wonders if he saw what he thinks he saw on the podium.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Leaning towards the younger man, John realizes that the level of concern in his voice is too great for someone who isn't even considered a friend.  
  
"CJ thinks that she's coming down with the flu." Simon checks his watch and once again begins to move.  
  
"Simon, hold on there. This afternoon isn't so great for me. I have an important appointment to keep."  
  
Now if only he let's me get away that easily.  
  
"CJ will be royally pissed that you're cancelling this-you don't understand what was happening in there. CJ wanted you out of there for a reason. I don't know why yet, but that's what I am going to find out." Simon is flustered, his arms flailing to accentuate each word.  
  
"We'll deal with it tomorrow."  
  
"But..." It's too late. John is making his way down the hall, flanked by agents, and is quickly gone, leaving Simon afraid of the call he is going to have to make to CJ.  
  
6__________  
  
Around 5:45 pm, bored of the news and soap operas, CJ rolls over in bed and turns off the tv.  
  
**Now I remember why I don't take sick days-they are so damn boring. It would be better if this fever would knock me out and give me a few hours of undisturbed sleep. Oh well, at least I'm not getting all turned on by a wannabe President.**  
  
CJ sighs in frustration and rolls out of bed, pulling her pyjama shorts and tank top back on.  
  
**Do something productive, for crying out loud! This night is going way too slowly.**  
  
Picking up her briefing folders, CJ moves to the living room and settles on to the couch.  
  
When her doorbell rings, CJ looks around the room in surprise. No-one ever comes to her house-not that she's often home.  
  
**When the doorbell rings, you've gotta answer it.** Getting up and crossing the room, CJ doesn't think to look through the peephole to see who is there.  
  
Opening the door, she is surprised to be greeting the Vice President, shrouded by four armed secret service agents in black suits. Only then does she remember what she's wearing.  
  
"Hi," is all John manages to mumble, as he looks her up and down.  
  
Could her shorts be any shorter? Wow. Her legs really do end at her neck! As John's eyes work their way up her body, he is stunned. She's not wearing a bra! Oh God, look at her face you moron! Don't concentrate on the outline of her breasts!  
  
"Mr Vice President...Is there any particular reason you're standing in my doorway?" CJ is now hiding as much of her body as possible behind the large oak door.  
  
"They, uh, said you were sick." John repositions his briefcase in front of his body as discretely as possible, wanting to hide his growing erection.  
  
"I'm not feeling well. Um, fever." CJ's inability to voice her ideas is matched only by John's. They both feel like mumbling idiots.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Better."  
  
"Good."  
  
Good? Thank God she doesn't know that you're interested in her, otherwise she'd tell you right now how much of an idiot you are!  
  
"Yeah."  
  
**Oh God, kill me now. Those thoughts, they've returned.**  
  
"Can I come in? I mean, just me, not my detail." John realizes how bad that must have sounded to her. "Not that I want to be alone with you, but...Christ, I know how much I hate entertaining when I'm sick."  
  
Yep, John, you're an idiot. Plus, you do want to be alone with her. You just lied to the woman you're obsessed with.  
  
"Sure, come on in." CJ hides herself further behind the door and is caught off guard when he slips out of view for a second, only to reappear with flowers in his hand.  
  
"You saved my ass. Well, and you're sick. I figured you deserved at least flowers." Handing over the bouquet of soft lilies, John walks through the door and stands in the hallway.  
  
**Crap! How do I get from the door to the bedroom without making this an all out exhibition?** Closing the door, CJ moves to the kitchen to put the flowers in water, unprepared for John following her.  
  
Those shorts do amazing things for her ass.  
  
"I hope you're not allergic to flowers. I'm always paranoid about that." John sighs contentedly, watching her breasts move in her tank top as she reaches for the top shelf to retrieve the vase.  
  
Great, now it sounds like you buy lots of women flowers. So much for making her feel special. "All clear, no allergies. Thanks, by the way, for the flowers. The frat boys never buy me gifts when I save their asses." CJ laughs. "Don't think they'd have enough money."  
  
I would buy you so much more, if I were given the chance.  
  
"It's the least I could do." John is impressed by how the small tank top allows him an exceptional view of the curvature of her breasts.  
  
"I should probably get some real clothes on. I was laying in bed and...anyway, give me a few minutes to get dressed." CJ begins to leave, placing the vase of white and pink flowers on the table in the living room.  
  
Don't. Please...Not that I have a say, but oh God.  
  
"Sure, whatever makes you comfortable." John manages to say his words, although barely.  
  
**You don't want to know.**  
  
Catching one last glimpse of CJ as she climbs the stairs, John settles into an overstuffed taupe chair.  
  
She's a really great decorator. She could do wonders for my office if we win re-election. Hold on. She's the Press Secretary and she dislikes me. She will in no way be inclined to help me.  
  
Minutes later, as John tries to remember every curvature of her body that he could see through the pajamas, CJ reappears before him in blue jeans and a white tank top. This one, however, covers much more area, and it is obvious that she has since put on a bra.  
  
"So..." CJ begins.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure that you're okay. I was worried." John runs his hand over his leg, noting that from the position in which she's sitting, if he becomes even marginally more aroused, she'll know instantly.  
  
"That's very kind of you, Sir. I am still feeling crappy, but am getting better." CJ offers him a smile.  
  
**It's sweet of him to check up on me. What he's doing is very kind and for that he should be given credit.** I love her smile. I love everything about her...Hold on, did I just use the word love?  
  
"It was weird not having you at the press conference. Simon's a good guy, but he's no CJ Cregg."  
  
There is an air of awkwardness in the room, as they continue to stare at each other, each oblivious to the other's preoccupation.  
  
"I watched it. Told Simon to pull you, because they were going to push you. We'll have to do some spinning on this one, because they were trying to get you to blame him. You have to remain accountable and apologetic." CJ swoops into Press Secretary mode effortlessly.  
  
"So that's what was going on. Simon is pissed at me 'cause I blew him off. I don't want to work with him on this. I want you." His words are rushed and almost breathless, and he prays that she doesn't pick up on what he just said. "We'll work on it when you get back. It can wait however long."  
  
"I'll be back tomorrow. I can't stand another day off." CJ crosses her legs over one another and holds her knees in her hands.  
  
**I wonder if he's as good in bed as I think. I mean, look at him, he's really quite handsome.**  
  
"Going stir crazy already, huh?" John laughs. "It's only been half a day, and you can't even stay home for that long?"  
  
"My mind keeps wandering back to things, so it's not very restful." CJ sighs as she realizes what she just said. She's been thinking about him.  
  
"Anything I can help with?"  
  
**Sure, let's just get on the floor and have sex! I mean, a couple of kinky hours and I'll feel a lot better! Stop! Don't let your mind go there.**  
  
"Not really, but thanks." CJ looks away and attempts to get more comfortable.  
  
"I should be going. You know, so you can get some rest." John stands, not sure of how to leave her. Not that he wants to leave her.  
  
"Yeah," CJ mumbles. "Thanks again for the flowers." "My pleasure." John picks up his briefcase and for a moment leans towards CJ to kiss her goodbye, before he realizes that this isn't one of his dreams. "So, um, I'll see you soon?" What had been intended as a perfectly innocent statement sounded more like a question to both of them.  
  
God, you're an idiot, I swear!  
  
"Yeah," CJ says, caught off guard. He leaned toward her, but not so much so as to indicate any particular intention, and then pulled away. "I'll be back tomorrow and we'll run over things to see how we can fix this."  
  
"Great. Tomorrow then." John smiles as he turns to walk out the door.  
  
When the door closes behind him, CJ stops to gather her composure. Those thoughts are lurking again. Now, however, she wants to do something about them.  
  
7--------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------- CJ lay in bed, the sheets haphazardly strewn across the bed as she restlessly tossed and turned. For the last few hours, she had stared at the bouquet on her dressing table. She couldn't get over how beautiful they were, the soft fragrance and moreover that they were from John Hoynes.  
  
Even before she had climbed into bed, her mind had been completely preoccupied by thoughts of the Vice President, his kind gesture, and the emotions that seemed to evoke. Once in the bedroom the feelings had only intensified.  
  
And so, it was 10:30, and CJ was laying in bed, half asleep, willing her body to go the last little bit and let her fall into a wonderful dreamy haze.  
  
The bedroom was dark and the cool night breeze flowed effortlessly through her window. She watched the curtains dance and reached out to the empty space beside her, wondering what it would feel like to have him with her, in her room, in her bed, and making love. That idea consumed her mind as she fell into a deep sleep.  
  
CJ is all too aware that she is asleep when she is transported back to the office, behind her desk, and despite how real it is, she is frustrated. It strikes her as being too obsessive to be at work in her dreams.  
  
She tells herself to wake up, or to change channels, or anything, but she failed miserably, and the dream continues.  
  
CJ finds herself standing up and walking from her desk to her door, and then down the hallways. It is night time, and there is almost nobody in the West Wing, with the exception of some custodial staff, and the occasional assistant who seems to be frantically typing away at a keyboard. CJ wants to tell them to go home, but it's her subconscious, and since they don't really exist, she can't be bothered. The dream leads her further down the hall and she hears a familiar voice, but it takes a couple of seconds for her to realize who it belongs to. Finally, it's the drawl that makes her change direction and head for the room.  
  
When CJ opens the door, she is no longer in the West Wing, or even the White House. Instead she is in the OEOB, inside his outer office. Her stride is long and fast, as if she anticipates that something important is to come. That she is excited to be going to see him. Knocking on the large door, CJ pushes it open, only to see the Vice- President sitting behind his desk, writing notes in a large leather bound clip board.  
  
"Good evening CJ, this is an unexpected surprise." He stands to welcome her and offers her a seat across from him.  
  
"Yes, well...I thought I would stop by and discuss the press and how we will work with the cycle." CJ's words are much too business driven. For crying out loud, she tells her self, it's a dream! Go over there and kiss him.  
  
"Ah, the news cycle. How...Fascinating." John doesn't seem to be at all interested in this topic as his eyes bore into her.  
  
"Well, we do need to keep on top of this." Oh God, CJ thinks. It's my dream and I'm still too chicken to do anything?  
  
"There are better things to keep on top of." John Hoynes winks at her as he stands and moves around the desk over towards her. "Please tell me that you didn't come here to discuss news cycles, because I really would rather hear about other things." His words plea with her for the promise of something more, or something else-anything but the news cycle.  
  
CJ gulps. "I wanted to thank you again for the flowers, as well. They really are beautiful." She smiles weakly at him while he continues to inch closer. "And it was a really kind gesture. I mean, considering how much of a bitch I've been towards you."  
  
"A bitch? Sort of, I guess, but I understand. I can be a little...cocky...sometimes." When John is finally face to face with her, he locks eyes and pulls her in for a deep kiss.  
  
CJ feels her body tense when their lips first make contact, but quickly she relaxes into it, and reaches her arms around his neck.  
  
Kneeling on the floor in front of her, John pulls away from the kiss and looks at her with passion filled eyes. "Am I overstepping the mark?"  
  
"Not yet. I'll let you know when we get there." CJ pulls him back towards her and begins her careful exploration of his mouth once again. Her eyes close as she tastes him, and her hands move over his arms, feeling muscles hidden by the soft material of his shirt.  
  
When she opens her eyes again, they are in a bedroom, somewhere. It's unlike any room she's ever been in, spacious, shrouded with antiques and marvellous works of art. In the centre of the room is rosewood tester bed, covered in deep red fabrics.  
  
CJ finds herself now sitting in an fine wooden chair. Reaching out she takes John by the hand, finally understanding that in her dream, she can do whatever she wants. Standing, holding his hands in hers, she pulls him to his feet.  
  
As they stand, face to face, she moves her hand down his chest, unbuttoning his shirt as she goes. Silently, she continues the exploration of his body, unbuttoning and then unzipping his pants, and pulling them down to reveal his black briefs. Stopping, she stares at his nearly naked figure, wondering if the reality could be this good.  
  
"Now you seem overdressed, don't you think CJ?" John's hands run over the black silk blouse she's wearing and he pulls her towards the bed.  
  
John guides her to the edge of the bed, straddling her hips as he guides her onto her back. As his hands make quick work of the buttons on her blouse, and slides it open, drawing circles on her now naked stomach, she can already feel his erection pushing against her.  
  
CJ releases a small gasp, unable to believe how wonderfully vivid the dream is.  
  
Pushing the blouse over her shoulders and lifting himself off of her, John stands at the edge of the bed. His hands move up and down her thigh gently eliciting a soft moan. As his hands unzip her pants and slide them over her hips to the floor, John's breath catches in his throat at the sight before him.  
  
Pulling him back on top of her, CJ drags her fingernails over his skin, teasing his nipples with her mouth.  
  
Unclasping her bra, John removes the fabric from her breasts and begins to suck gently, forcing her to lay back on the bed. His soft kisses and sucking from one breast to another is so sensual to CJ that she can feel her skin flush with excitement.  
  
Finally he slides down her body and pulls the panties off of her, and discards his own briefs, revealing himself to her.  
  
Moving their bodies to the centre of the bed, John moves his fingers over her flat stomach and kisses the soft skin. CJ moans as he works his way down her body, and can feel his hands parting her thighs.  
  
Just as he is about to insert a gentle finger into her, CJ can hear the loud and familiar buzz of her alarm clock.  
  
"Christ!" CJ almost yells as she hits the button on the clock, nearly propelling herself off the bed.  
  
**I hate my life! Fuck! It's 4:30 in the morning, and I was just woken up from a great dream about a sexy man going down on me. Ah, but hey, I get to go to work!** CJ sighs in frustration, and moves across the room, picking up her towel and robe.  
  
"Oh yeah, this morning, I'm having a cold shower...A very cold shower." CJ mumbles as she walks to the bathroom, knowing that her dream, and where it was going, will preoccupy her for the entire day.  
  
8_______  
  
Walking the same corridors as she walked in her dreams, CJ feels unusually happy.  
  
Her dream has stayed with her all morning, even following her into Senior Staff, where she felt oddly distracted by the different aspects of John's body and character that she had explored in her dream-his warmth and gentle touch, as well as his wonderfully rich voice and deep eyes that absorbed her.  
  
Her reminiscing back to the night before is interrupted when Leo sits back down in his chair, having excused all of the other senior staffers from the meeting. "So, what did you think of the press conference? How'd he do?"  
  
**He looked incredibly hot-that probably isn't what Leo wants to hear, though, is it?**  
  
"I would have liked to be there to play moderator, but Simon handled it well. The Vice President said what I told him to say, and we got him out of there before the entire thing exploded in our faces." CJ glances around the room, wondering if she is pushing it with her relative indifference.  
  
"So where do we go from here?" Leo jots a quick note on his planner, but CJ can't see what it is. For the first time ever, Leo is making her nervous.  
  
**What the hell is going on? He doesn't usually write notes-unless it's about how I'm handling this whole Hoynes situation...**  
  
"What's goin' on? Taking notes now, Leo?" CJ offers him a strangled laugh, and her attempt at sounding as if she were teasing him is strained.  
  
"Oh, just notes for the President. I'm trying to evaluate things for him, and the topic is so...I don't know how to describe it. I'm just very distracted by it, I'm sorry." Leo writes a little more and then looks back up to her. "So what was your idea about making Hoynes more visible?"  
  
"Well, I thought we'd display him, and get him out there with the press-the State Dinner this weekend seems like a wonderful opportunity to show the public, and prominent Democrats, that we still have faith in him."  
  
"Do you think that we can trust him to be on his best behaviour?" Leo glances down at his watch. "I don't want us to showcase him only to discover that he's gonna screw up."  
  
"Have faith. I'll work on some general comments with him, and make sure that he knows what not to say." CJ looks up at Leo, who has a disapproving look on his face. "He's not gonna ambush anymore Senators, if that's what you're concerned about."  
  
"Yeah, I am worried about that. We can't have him alienating people because he gets pissed off." Leo writes another note in his day planner and then looks up at CJ. "I want you to stay on top of him the entire night."  
  
"What?" CJ looks at Leo incredulously. "You must be kidding." "No, I'm perfectly serious, CJ. I want you to make sure he knows that you will be watching his every move with the press at the photo ops before and later with the other attendants at the Dinner." Leo concentrates on the plan forming in his head. "You guys are going to keep each other company until we send the last guest home, and you will make sure he behaves."  
  
**As much as I want to be on top of him, this isn't the context that I wanted!**  
  
"So I'm a glorified babysitter, Leo? Since when?" She's offended, CJ decides, and thinks that what Leo is asking of her is below her, and it's below the Vice President.  
  
"For now, yes. You've got to keep this from blowing up in our faces, and if the only way we can do that is to have you hold his hand all night, then we'll damn well do it!" Leo sighs, and brings his hand to his forehead, as if he were trying to rub away the migraine forming there. "Look, CJ, this isn't exactly my idea of an optimum solution either. I'd rather have you working the room independently, and maybe even having some fun, but I can't risk letting Hoynes loose yet."  
  
"Fine." CJ speaks abruptly, and stands to leave the office. "So how am I to approach this with the Vice President? You know, seeing as I'm his new babysitter?" Her words, which are short and bitter, strike Leo with an unfamiliar hostility.  
  
"I don't care CJ. It's only for one night. Tell him that it's a date. Whatever you decide you have to." Leo begins to write things down again. "Just let me know that everything is taken care of, and running fine."  
  
**Fine my ass. I have to spend an entire night with a man that I'm lusting after, while he's dressed in an Armani tux, thinking back to my dream. This is going to be a disaster.**  
  
As CJ makes her way back to her office, she recounts the conversation with Leo, and tries to formulate a way of making her meeting with Hoynes seem normal.  
  
"Carol," CJ yells as she walks into her office. The assistant appears seconds later in the doorway, holding file folders of information to her chest with one arm, and a white house coffee cup in the other.  
  
"Yes boss?" Carol walks further into the office, picking up a file off the desk.  
  
"I need a meeting with the Vice President ASAP. Could you call Janine and see if we could set something up for after my briefing?" CJ looks over the folders and sighs. She feels unprepared for her next briefing, but she has all of...ten minutes to pull it together.  
  
"Sure. Anything else?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. Can you get a message to Toby that he's gonna have to go stag to the dinner. Leo asked me to take someone." CJ laughs at the thought. Leo setting her up on a "date" which was really a cheap guise for her babysitting efforts, which she really would like to explore on the dating level...  
  
"You and Toby had a date?" Carol seems surprised.  
  
"Less a date, more a mutual agreement to save each other from the damn nuclear physicists that tend to gravitate towards us at these functions." CJ remembers her last encounter with one, who tried to grab her ass. Even in a tux, he was a total geek. "He's on his own, it looks like."  
  
"Alright. Briefing in five." Carol leaves, silently wondering who CJ has to take to the dinner. **Okay, CJ, pull yourself together...**  
  
9____________  
  
The briefing seemed excruciatingly long, as every reporter hassled her on even the smallest details of the state dinner.  
  
If she had to answer one more question about what someone would be wearing, CJ thought she would explode. And then there was THE question.  
  
"Will the Vice President be attending the Dinner?" Sheri, the annoying 'reporter' from whatever fashion magazine had actually dispatched a reporter to the White House, was thoroughly pissing CJ off.  
  
**So she asks what designer I'm wearing, and then the First Lady. It's not good enough to know that, but then she wants to know about the President's choice of designers...So she gets one quasi-serious question in about the Vice President-am I supposed to be nice to her?**  
  
"Well, I'm assuming he will be...Seeing as we've let him out of his cage and have begun feeding him again. I would hate to think that we did that without purpose..." CJ offers a coy smile to a few of her 'favourite' reporters, all of whom know of her extreme dislike for Sheri.  
  
"Seriously, CJ. The Vice President will be attending the event?" Sheri looks back towards the podium, after frantically scribbling down CJ's last comment.  
  
"Yes, Sheri. The Vice President will be attending the Dinner in honour of the new Prime Minister of Canada. This just goes to show that even as Vice President, you can not escape state affairs." CJ laughs. "Seriously guys, Vice President Hoynes is not being punished for anything and you should stop acting like he is. He is a competent and important member of our administration. Most importantly, however, he is the Vice President of our country, and as such, he does deserve to be shown respect. Let's all try to remember that, okay?"  
  
**Good save!**  
  
"Any more questions?" CJ waits only a moment before looking around the room. "We're done for now. See you all this afternoon."  
  
Walking away from the podium, CJ smiles at Chris, who obviously hates Sheri as much as she does, and who unfortunately is trapped in a conversation with her.  
  
**If you kill her, we'll promote you. Hell, if she can't speak for some reason, or can't write, we'll promote you. She doesn't even have to be dead...** CJ smiles to herself as she walks out the doors of the Press Room towards the West Wing. In the hallway, she turns, hearing a familiar voice calling to her. "CJ!"  
  
It takes her a moment to disassociate the man that's standing before her, having chased her down the hallway, from the man who she was with in her dream.  
  
"Mr Vice President, how are you today?" CJ can feel herself blushing as she remembers how he kissed her in the dream-with tenderness and passion...  
  
**Snap out if it CJ!**  
  
"I'm well, thank you. How about you? Are you feeling any better?" John extends his hand to her, motioning for her to give him a couple of her briefing binders. "Let me take something. You look laden down." He smiles.  
  
**Oh God, there's that smile. I think I'm melting.**  
  
Why do I feel like I've just time-warped back to junior high?  
  
"Thanks. I'm feeling better, although still somewhat feverish." The crimson spreads faintly to her neck, she can tell, but at least she has a partially reasonable excuse.  
  
"Maybe you should have stayed home. We don't want you to get even more sick." He looks at her, trying to determine how his fantasies can even vaguely compare to the woman in front of him.  
  
She's so beautiful-even when she's sick. Christ, I don't think I've ever seen her look bad.  
  
"I couldn't stand another day at home. Can you believe there are actually eleven daytime soap operas? That's three networks, airing nothing but soaps from, like twelve until four or five! It was the most boring afternoon of my life," CJ jokes.  
  
"Ah, so you're not really into those fun storylines? You know, the ones where nobody seems to work and they marry every person they meet?" John laughs, trying to shake the image of CJ sitting on her couch, in those same pajamas as she wore yesterday, yelling at the TV about someone's marriage.  
  
"And you wonder what the appeal is?" CJ returns his smile, and a laugh, only to wonder what he's thinking. "So, what can I do for you?"  
  
"And straight to business. That's the CJ I know." John can't help but think about what he knows of CJ-the shape of her body, or the way she can command the attention of the press corps (and anyone else even remotely close by). "Are you heading back to your office now?"  
  
"Yeah, I have some wires I wanted to read." Suddenly CJ feels much more natural in this conversation-just talking to him, and not feeling awkward feels like a major success for CJ.  
  
"Let me walk you back and we can talk there." John begins to walk, holding the pile of folders in his arms, and turns back, only to encourage CJ to join him.  
  
They walk in silence back through the bullpen, and then settle in her office, behind the closed door.  
  
"So, what's going on? Anything I need to know about?" CJ sits in her chair behind her desk, putting a little space between her and the man she's been lusting after.  
  
If only you knew...  
  
"Well, Janine got a call from Carol asking to set up an appointment for us ASAP and I thought that meant you needed to speak to me." John sits down in the chair across from her. "Was I wrong?"  
  
"I hadn't expected to see you this quickly," CJ confesses, caught off guard by how quickly he cleared his schedule to meet her. "And I certainly didn't expect you to come over here. Not that I mind, I'm just surprised."  
  
"Well, I've been told in the past not to piss you off, so I thought I should meet up with you as quickly as possible." John offers her a coy grin. "I remember what happened last time I pissed you off-I could be scarred for life."  
  
His voice offers the teasing, which is oddly comforting to CJ. It makes them seem closer than they are-that they can tease each other.  
  
Oh God do I remember...Besides, I wanted to see you ,and what better guise than work?  
  
But then her mind flips back to when they were in Leo's office, and then in the Oval Office. She remembers how she spoke to him, and how she couldn't control her temper. She feels some remorse creep into her thoughts, as she realizes that she was actually almost cruel to him.  
  
"Well, when you put it that way, I sound like quite the bitch." CJ realizes, only after speaking, that this is eerily close to the conversation she had in her dream.  
  
"That's the last thing I'd call you!" John seems offended on CJ's behalf for the mere implication. "You're determined, and you know what you want, which is why I don't want to piss you off-for no other reason than you know what's best in the media circus. Plus, you're dedicated and you work hard. When one of us makes your job even more difficult, I can understand why you get pissed off..." He stops himself before he continues the thought.  
  
I think I love you for the passion you bring to your job, and the way you fight. God, I really do think I love you.  
  
CJ sighs, and then closes her eyes for a minute. "You know, you can be real sweet sometimes. I am a bitch sometimes, I know, but I like your rationale better than mine, so we'll just pretend you're right." She opens her eyes and looks at him.  
  
**You're so...amazing. God, I wish we weren't who we are, and I wish that I didn't feel like this. It would make life so much easier.**  
  
"Anyway..." John begins. "Anyway, this isn't what you're here to talk about, and I'm sure that's a great relief to you." CJ smiles.  
  
I don't care if we're discussing the type of finish on your desk, as long as I'm talking to you.  
  
"Don't be silly," John smiles, and then looks away, feeling as if he is wearing his heart on his sleeve.  
  
"So, what we need to discuss is the State Dinner." CJ speaks more quickly than she had intended, afraid of how he will respond to what she has to say.  
  
"Ah, yes. I heard your comments about letting me out of my cage. I was quite relieved to hear that." John tries to refrain from laughing at the sight of her in the briefing room, ready to kill that blond haired idiot.  
  
"Yes, I thought you might be." CJ finds the look on his face intriguing, as if there is a story to go with it.  
  
"What's wrong? Obviously you have some concerns about me at the dinner, so spit 'em out."  
  
Normally I'd be offended by the lack of faith, but coming from her, it doesn't bother me. It's like I accept that this is part of her job-second guessing me and anyone else that has access to the press corps.  
  
"Rest assured that these aren't my concerns. This is coming from Leo. He wants me to be your...God, what's the word?...Companion? He wants to make sure that you're not inclined to piss anyone else off. I told him that you wouldn't be a problem, but with the re-election campaign and all..." CJ tries to read his expression, hoping she hasn't just destroyed the friendly banter that they've been enjoying.  
  
"CJ, don't be worried, Christ, I understand why they're doing this. It's not like I've instilled Leo with lots of faith in my ability to hold my tongue."  
  
Hell, any reason I have to have you as a date is good with me. I don't care if it means I have to wear a "I love Bartlet" t-shirt. Anything to be with you for awhile.  
  
"You don't have to pretend that you're not insulted, I mean, I would be." Leaning against her desk, her shirt once again provides him with a fantastic view of her bra.  
  
Do you have to do that to me? I mean, God, CJ, just sit back, PLEASE! It's taken all of my willpower not to jump over this desk on top of you!  
  
"I'm not insulted. Let's make the best of it, 'cause there's no changing it." CJ looks back at him as if he were lying to her. "I'm serious. It's okay CJ, I mean, unless you're gonna hate your new assignment. Babysitting me isn't the highlight of your job, I know." John laughs, and looks back up at her.  
  
**I love your laugh, why the hell did you have to stop?** CJ sits back in her chair and watches him sitting across from her, seeming totally indifferent to the idea of spending a night in her care. **This dinner is going to be so hard.**  
  
"CJ, if this bothers you at all, you'd tell me, right? 'Cause I can go talk to Leo and make it very clear that this isn't necessary, and if he doesn't listen to me, I'll go to the President. I've caused you enough grief, so if this is in any way imposing upon you, tell me, and we'll fix it."  
  
Shit, that was way over the top!  
  
**He is so incredibly amazing when he is in 'knight-in-shining-armour' mode! Ah, how could I not want to spend time with you?**  
  
"It's alright, Mr Vice President. We'll make the best of it, as you said." CJ smiles and leans back in her chair. "I hope you didn't have someone else going with you to this thing, otherwise you're gonna have to dump 'em." CJ laughs.  
  
"My sister will be relieved to be saved from yet another function. I am, however, disappointed that I can't play with the Canadians." John smiles, offering CJ a mischievous grin. "I had a whole speech planned about the importance of free trade on maple products and then I thought I would piss the Prime Minister off by asking him how it feels to be President."  
  
"You wouldn't!" The look that CJ gives him begs to know the answer.  
  
"I would, in a heart beat. I consider myself to be quite knowledgeable about Canada, and I thought some good ol' fashioned teasing would be in order, but I doubt you're going to let me play."  
  
**He's much too perfect for his own good. I bet he has some woman on the side that he's hiding. I can't imagine why he'd be single.**  
  
"I don't know. Let's see how dull the party is before I give you an answer on that." Her heart skips a beat as he stands, and leans forward on the desk.  
  
"It's safe to assume that I will see you tonight then, yes?"  
  
"Yep, I'm yours." CJ breathes, only realizing the implications of what she said. "I'm your date, that is."  
  
"I'd pick you up, but seeing as you'll just be here, why don't I meet you at 6:30, here?" John begins to walk to the door, but turns midway. "Have a good day CJ, and play nicely with that blond on the press corps-she seems too dumb to stand a chance against you."  
  
When the door closes, CJ releases the breath she didn't realize she had been holding.  
  
**Please, please CJ, don't be a dork tonight, and screw up. No falling into things, and no spilling things. Just get ready for tonight.**  
  
She couldn't help but smile. She had a date with John Hoynes, even if it were for work, and even if it were official business, it was a date all the same.  
  
10_________________________________________  
  
It had been an exhausting day for CJ. The three extra briefings (thanks to the recent flood of news coverage on Shareef's 'tragic' death) and having to deal with Toby didn't make for an easy day.  
  
Toby was angry at CJ for leaving him alone to deal with the nuclear physicists, and of course, all the other guests that would be at the dinner tonight. Mostly, he was angry about the short notice.  
  
"If I had known I could have called Tabitha, but no, you didn't give me any notice!" Toby ran his hand over his forehead and debated his options. "Is it too late to develop a debilitating disease? I mean, I hate these things."  
  
"I know you do," CJ consoled, "but it comes with the job."  
  
"Why can't you be my date again?" Toby practically whined his question to her, making him sound more like Josh, as opposed to the usually composed Communications Director.  
  
After explaining how she had to accompany the Vice President, on Leo's request, Toby seemed pacified, although still disgruntled.  
  
CJ smiles as she remembers her encounter with Toby earlier in the day.  
  
**Pokey, sorry, but you're not gonna make me feel bad. I have a 'date' with Vice President Hoynes and I'm actually looking forward to it. Hold on. Why am I looking forward to it?**  
  
CJ plays with her pink flamingo pen (that Carol bought her ages ago as a secret Santa) and falls deep into thought, losing track of time.  
  
**He's incredibly attractive, isn't that a good enough reason? Probably not. He's very sweet, I mean, he bought me flowers, and personally delivered them.**  
  
CJ acknowledges the feeling that is building in her stomach as she thinks about him.  
  
**He's got a great sense of humour. And he's really incredibly attractive.**  
  
Closing her eyes and leaning back in her chair, allowing her mind to drift back to the dream she had the night before, CJ can remember the way he tasted, and the way his hands felt as they travelled her body.  
  
"Am I interrupting something?" The voice from the doorway shocks her out of her hazy state.  
  
John Hoynes stands, a bouquet of flowers in hand, dressed in a black Armani tux. The way his body leans instinctively towards the door frame, and his gaze finds it's way to her, he looks totally relaxed.  
  
"Oh, God, what time is it?" CJ looks down at her watch and realizes that he's perfectly on time, to the minute. "Okay, I can pull it together, I just have to...get dressed, do my make up, pull my stuff together, organize a clutch bag...We'll never get there!" She seems absolutely consumed by how late they're running, and begins to panic.  
  
"CJ, calm down and breath for me, will ya?" John smiles at her, making her heart skip a beat. "We have to walk down a few corridors, and we're there. They don't expect us to be there for at least another twenty minutes, maybe even a half hour. We've got time."  
  
**I'll never get anything done if you stand there looking like that. I can't move-I just want to sit here and look at you. STOP IT! Must...get...ready!**  
  
"Okay, everything is under control!" CJ stands up, perhaps a little too quickly, and as she begins to walk she bangs into the corner of her desk, tripping herself.  
  
In the milliseconds following her stumble, she waits to hit the ground, only to embarrass herself more, but whatever she lands on has arms.  
  
**Oh my God. He caught me! He managed to dart across the room, and save me from doing a nose dive into the floor!**  
  
"Whoa there, are you okay?" John pulls her back up to her feet, and, with his arms wrapped around her, leads her to the couch. "CJ?"  
  
**I am such a dork. I swear, I might as well have thick dark glasses and snort when I laugh. Hold on, I do snort sometimes, but in my defence only when I'm drunk. Or when I'm feeling graceless...I'm always graceless. Man! He's looking at me with that puppy dog glare of his, and I really should talk to him. What the hell do I say? 'Well, that was fun?' Just thank him.**  
  
"Thanks," CJ says all too quickly.  
  
"Any time." John returns the smile, and realizes he still has his arm around her waist.  
  
How do you do it, CJ? I mean, you're beautiful even when you're embarrassed...That really cute way you flush red!  
  
"You may want to avoid asking me to dance tonight, seeing as I can't stand on my volition without falling into something." CJ offers a laugh, but he can hear the strangled shame behind it.  
  
"Well then, I'll just have to hold you up."  
  
**Whoa! Did he just say what I think he said?**  
  
Back off John. She's out of your league.  
  
"I mean," John fumbles, "I would be honoured to have at least one dance with you, even if it means watching out for inanimate objects preparing to attack us."  
  
They both smile.  
  
"I'm never gonna get ready in time if we keep talking. Come back in ten minutes, and I will be dressed, and have some semblance of make up on. Deal?" CJ stands, and watches as John's hands prepare to catch her if she sways.  
  
"Deal." I'll be back in ten. Do you want anything from the commissary, or anything?" Holding the doorknob in his hand, John can't bring himself to walk away from her.  
  
"Nah, they'll be serving things at the dinner, obviously. I can wait. Besides, I don't have time to eat anything." She doesn't really want him to leave, but asking him to keep her company while she gets changed doesn't seem like much of an option.  
  
"See you soon."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
As John pulls the door closed behind him, he walks over to Carol's desk and sits down. The bullpen was unusually quiet when he walked through, the televisions still tuned in to the local stations, and the computers were all still running, but there was an absence of people.  
  
It was kind of eerie, he thought.  
  
The silence was disarming for him, because it was the first he had all day. After his meeting with CJ, John met with his Press Secretary (who wanted to run over statements for the dinner) and who was horrified to find out that his job was being done by CJ instead.  
  
He also had several meetings with different heads of philanthropic agencies, and although their causes would normally be of great interest to him, John found himself distracted by the idea of going with CJ to the State Dinner. It was the last thing he had anticipated when he came to work this morning, and now he found the idea all too intriguing.  
  
Of all the dreams he's had of her, being in a ballroom, dancing through the night is always the way it begins, and a certain part of him, deep in his heart, says that this might be an omen.  
  
Of course, it could be a phenomenal way for me to screw it up. I show up on time, and I really should have given her a couple extra minutes. Not only did I seem overly zealous, but she wasn't ready, and then I interrupt her train of thought. Of course, I finish it off by saying that I'll hold her up-for a dance. I sound like I'm in junior highschool, and I'm dating Beverly McMurphy again! She was a good prom date. But I did have to hold her hair while she puked...  
  
John laughs at the memories.  
  
I have no grace and no sense of self, and CJ...She's CJ. She's strong and beautiful. She's graceful, and amazing to be with...  
  
Adjusting his suit jacket, John leans forward, beginning to recall his dreams, and how he feels at night, when he's laying in bed. There's always an urge to reach over to someone-to her-but it's been years since he's shared his bed with anyone.  
  
"I'm ready," CJ moves closer to him, catching him off guard this time. Her long burgundy, off the shoulder gown moves effortlessly with her, and hugs every curve of her slender body.  
  
Oh God, I don't know if I can handle this.  
  
"You...look...absolutely wonderful. Really. Fantastic." John blushes, realizing he can't string a few words together to form a coherent sentence.  
  
"Thank you. I managed to pull it together in twelve minutes flat. Then I was starting to worry because you hadn't returned yet." CJ looks down at him, impressed by her effect on him. "Thought maybe you decided to call your sister back and ask her to meet you here after all."  
  
"Never."  
  
Shit, I just said that out loud, didn't I?  
  
"I mean, I wouldn't dream of standing up a date." John looks at her appreciatively. "Can I give you the flowers now, or should I wait to make sure no more desks attack?"  
  
**It's weird, how he just did that. I feel unusually comfortable with the fact that I almost fell on my face in front of him.**  
  
"I never say no to a man wanting to give me flowers!" Her eyes are glistening as he reaches behind him and lifts the flowers off of the desk.  
  
"Nothing fancy-just a thank you for being such a good sport under the circumstances. I mean, you're stuck with me for the fourth or fifth time in two days. That has to be worth something." Handing her the red roses in a crystal vase, John smiles, and watches as she stops to smell them, before walking back into her office and placing them on her desk.  
  
"They're beautiful! Thank you very much, Sir. You really didn't have to do that."  
  
**I could get used to a man buying me flowers every day.**  
  
"We should probably get going, before Leo sends out the Secret Service to look for us, for fear of you murdering me." John offers her his hand, and is impressed when she takes it.  
  
"I never kill a man on the first date-it's a Berkeley rule." CJ smiles as the head down the corridor.  
  
**This is going to be a wonderful night.**  
  
11_______________  
  
They walk together in silence towards the ballroom, their arms linked tightly.  
  
**This feels so natural-walking with him, and having him so nearby. I've got to snap out of it, and I definitely can't look this comfortable when we walk into the ballroom.**  
  
CJ pulls herself away from him, by inches, but is suddenly drawn back in by the warmth of his body, and the way she feels being so close to him.  
  
**Guess that's not going to work.** When they reach the doorway, John stops, and repositions himself in front of her. "It's not too late to back out, CJ. I mean, I don't think you should have to go in there with me, and pretend to be interested in whatever I end up having to talk about." John lets his hand run over her forearm, and then rest on her hand.  
  
Give her the way out now, so if she wants out, she can go. I don't want to make her do anything she's uncomfortable with.  
  
"For the last time," CJ begins, trying to decide if she is frustrated or just anxious, "and I do mean the last time, we're here, and we're going to enjoy ourselves." CJ smiles, linking her arm through his, and leading him into the ballroom.  
  
Decorated in deep reds, with gold streamers strewn about, the room looks more elegant than he can remember seeing it, although he has to ask himself if that is because of the decorations, or because of the woman who is escorting him.  
  
Looking about the room, John sees many faces he recognizes, and secretly wishes that CJ was here as his real date, as opposed to being an assigned one. There are women looking at him as John enters with CJ on his arm and many of them had (over the course of the administration) approached him to 'go out'. He never once considered any of them, but if CJ were to ask...  
  
She wouldn't ask. CJ has no interest in me personally-it's strictly professional. But if she did...Stop playing this 'what if' game, John. Jesus, she's never going to want me, and even if she did, CJ's much too focussed on her career to let me get in the way.  
  
"Hey, Mr. Vice President," CJ interrupts his thoughts, "Mrs. Trenholm is looking at you. I think she likes you..." CJ giggles in her most highschool-girl way. "Should I go pass her a note and let her know you think she's groovy?"  
  
"Groovy, huh?" John looks at CJ, noticing a certain glint in her eye that is taking over. It is mischievous and dancing.  
  
**I'll say you look groovy if it will get me into your...WHOA! Back off there, Ceej. Thinking that he's your type? He's not. He's the VICE- PRESIDENT! I'm definitely not his type. Not a chance in hell. Besides, if Mr Trenholm ever dies, his lovely wife would be the perfect wife for him- she's attractive and wealthy, and she's from Connecticut, so it would bridge the gap between the north and south come election day...fuck, you're rambling again CJ, and this time it's in your head!**  
  
"Groovy is a good thing." CJ smiles, as she continues to walk to the table at which they've been seated.  
  
"Alas, I've been out of the dating scene for so long, I don't think that I'd remember how to do it, and if I have to wait for someone's husband to die, I think I'll take a while longer." John smiles as he pulls out CJ's chair for her to have a seat.  
  
"I think you'd be good at it. At dating, I mean. You're wonderfully polite, and thoughtful, and you'd have no issues remembering to send flowers..." CJ blushes as she processes what she just said.  
  
**God CJ, don't sound like you want him or anything...**  
  
I really want to give you SO much more. I want to learn how to date again, and I want it to be with you. I'm nuts though. CJ, I really wish I was anyone but me, so we could give this a go. I think that you could grow to love me.  
  
"Thanks for your confidence. Next formal function that I go to, I'll let my sister know that I'll be prowling for another date." A soft smirk creeps over his face, as John begins to recall how vivid his dreams are, and how much this resembles one of them.  
  
"We should mingle," CJ blurts, realizing that she is moments away from telling him that she wants to be his next 'date'.  
  
"Yes, we should. Where do you want to start?" Standing, John pulls the chair out for her, and offers his hand to her.  
  
"Anywhere that there isn't a nuclear physicist, or a chemist." CJ looks around the room, trying to find someone she wouldn't mind being entrapped in conversation with. "How about we go talk to Mrs Trenholm?" CJ offers a wry grin, as she takes his hand and begins to drag him across the room.  
  
"Okay, but if she grabs my ass once, you're gonna be the one to get us out of there-even if it means YOU have to take my place on a date with her!" John follows her lead, watching her move effortlessly and gracefully.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The conversation with Mrs Trenholm fell flat just after hello, and all John wants to do is to escape that woman. As he offers his kindest regards to both her and her husband, John excuses them, and leads CJ away. Once they've managed to put half of a room between them and the promiscuous wife, John pulls her close to his side.  
  
"She was jealous of you," he whispers.  
  
"Why," CJ asks, "would she be jealous of me, and what gave you that impression?" Her hands smooth over her dress, rubbing slowly over her flat stomach, and drawing small patterns subconsciously.  
  
"Because. Because you're here with me, and she likes me. Because you're the most beautiful woman here, and she is not. Because you have a job that everyone knows you love most of the time, and because she's stuck sleeping her way through the senate, the cabinet, and apparently the White House. And finally, because I saw the way she was looking at you. Because..." John finishes, as if alluding to the potential for there to be more.  
  
CJ's breath catches in her throat, as she processes what he just said, and how passionate his voice was.  
  
"I think she's just jealous because I get to dance with you, and she doesn't." CJ smiles as she pulls him on to the dance floor. "Now's a good time to warn you that I don't really dance." John confesses as she wraps her arms around him.  
  
I could stay like this all night. To hell with moving.  
  
"See, most guys say that, and then turn out to be very good dancers. Are you going to be the exception to the rule?" Her thin frame begins to sway, encouraging him to join her.  
  
"I'll let you decide, but yeah, probably." From where John is standing, he can see Mrs. Trenholm watching them, and he is sure that they were both right. She's jealous on many levels.  
  
Neither one of them recognize the song, but it is soft and slow, and they can sway together easily, unafraid of drawing attention to themselves.  
  
"I'd say you're a pretty good dancer really. I mean, you've not stepped on my toes once, and that's all I really ask for from a partner." CJ smiles as she rests her head on his shoulder.  
  
**And you're tall, so I could never complain.**  
  
Shouldn't this feel awkward, or strange. Why do I feel so comfortable with you in my arms?  
  
When the song ends, neither one of them want to move apart, but knowing their responsibilities, they both hesitantly pull away.  
  
"Let's go schmooze." CJ states softly, masking her disappointment at the new distance between them. "What were you saying about pissing off some Canadians? I think I see a couple of the representatives over there."  
  
'Well then, by all means, let's go see what I can do to alienate them." John winks at her as he takes her hand. "Now remember, I'll try to behave. Give me credit for that, okay?"  
  
"We'll see," CJ follows him, as he approaches a small framed Chinese woman.  
  
"Hello Your Excellency." John offers his free hand to the woman, still grasping tightly to CJ's with his other.  
  
"Good evening Mr. Vice President." She shakes his hand firmly, and then turns to CJ. "It's nice to meet you Ms. Cregg. I've seen a great deal of your briefings lately, in regard to free trade, and I must say that you are a very good Press Secretary. We could use someone of your caliber right now-we have quite the array of screw ups plaguing our office right now." The woman offers a subtle laugh, hinting at how true her statement really was.  
  
CJ blushes. First of all, she doesn't know who this woman is (and has a creeping suspicion that perhaps she should) and secondly, it is unusual to have her praise sung by anyone outside of the West Wing.  
  
Its almost as if John picks up on CJ's discomfort. "You two haven't met? Well, that won't do. Let me do the formal introductions. CJ Cregg, this is Her Excellency the Right Honourable Adrienne Clarkson, the Governor General of Canada." John smiles, seeing CJ release the tension that had been building in her stomach from the moment she met the woman.  
  
The moment the formal introductions were completed, a short balding man with sandy brown hair approached and began speaking to the woman in what seemed like french. When she starts to laugh, as does John, CJ is wondering what she is missing out on. A moment later, John begins to converse with the two representatives in French.  
  
**Oh my God, he speaks French. This man is able to do everything, isn't he? I mean, he speaks French, he is romantic, he's attractive, he buys a woman flowers. He's just too incredible.**  
  
After a few minutes of conversing in French, John turns back to CJ. "I assure you that I have not started a war, nor have I initiated any policies- we were just discussing how beautiful it is in Washington during the early summer."  
  
CJ smiled, still in awe of his ability to surprise her. She had always thought of him as a bit of a traditional cowboy, but as she gets to know him, she begins to learn that he is intelligent and attractive.  
  
"The Vice President was just telling us about the wonderful weather here. In Ottawa, it's much cooler right now, which is nice as well, but we've been enjoying some wonderful garden parties here." R.H. Governor General spoke softly, and addressed CJ to let her know that they knew her role for the night. "I know that there must be some concern about the Vice President's communications, but there isn't any need to worry, I'm sure."  
  
CJ blushes a shade of crimson that even she hasn't seen before. **Everyone knows that I'm here to babysit him. Christ, if I'm this embarrassed by them knowing, how must he feel?**  
  
"Why thank you, but CJ's just here doing her job and keeping me company. I definitely don't mind the company." John smiles at the woman, while taking CJ's hand in his. "I think I'm ready for another dance though. CJ, would you do me the pleasure?"  
  
"Yes, of course." CJ tried to breath as he began to lead her away. "Nice to meet you," she calls back. Once they are on the dance floor, CJ sighs, knowing that she has to say something about what just happened. "You know that I personally don't have any concerns about you communicating with anyone here tonight, right?"  
  
"I do. I know that you're here on an order from Leo, and I don't really mind." John smiles, as they move closer together unconsciously, and watches CJ's expression for a sign of how she's feeling.  
  
"But how do you not mind?" CJ can't look into his eyes, for fear of revealing herself to him.  
  
"I would have minded if they sent Toby or Sam as my date." John grins when CJ begins to laugh. "Could you imagine? Not only would we kill each other, but there would be a vicious rumour circulating around the hill that I'm gay."  
  
"Thank you," CJ says quietly after swallowing a couple of her laughs, afraid to draw too much attention to them. "For what?" John's hand moves over her back, loving the bare back that his hands get to explore.  
  
"For making me feel better about being your babysitter. For being so kind about it." CJ glances around the room, finally eyeing the President and First Lady, accompanied by the new Prime Minister and his wife.  
  
"It's the least I can do." John responds softly. "I know we have to go make an appearance over there, but I'd much rather stay here and dance with you."  
  
I guess I'm going for honest. I really just want to feel her body against mine all night long.  
  
"So would I..." CJ closes her eyes and considers the implications of what they're doing. "But we really shouldn't. I mean, we should go talk to people, and discuss the campaign a bit. You know, do our duty for the administration." She starts to pull away, tugging against his tight hold on her, and when she succeeds, she feels remarkably lonely.  
  
**Can we go back in time? Is there anyway I can take that back?**  
  
"I guess you're right. I'm sorry." John pulls away, thinking he's overstepped the boundaries. Jesus, it would be so much easier if we layed out boundaries. Not that we can.  
  
"Don't be. I really enjoy dancing with you." CJ blushes as she realizes how blatantly she's flirting with him. Well, blatantly enough if you're talking to the Vice President of The United States Of America.  
  
"I really enjoy dancing with you too."  
  
You are such an idiot John! Don't act like you're in highschool!  
  
"So who do you want to schmooze first?" CJ takes his hand in hers, for once being able to initiate the first contact, and despite still longing to dance, CJ feel better knowing he's within reach.  
  
"You pick, Ms. Cregg. Just NOT Stackhouse." John smiles as she pulls him around the room, and thinks how wonderful it would be just to be alone with her.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
As the party winds down, CJ and John find themselves stuck in conversation with the President and the First Lady.  
  
"So when do you plan on beginning the campaign? More importantly, when do I get to go back to Texas and rally some votes for us?" John directed his question to the President.  
  
CJ however interrupts. "We're taking you to Texas early next month-we've cleared it with Janine, and I think you're also doing the circuit in Georgia and the Carolinas. The President and the First Lady will join you in Georgia, though, and we'll be working some fundraising circuits." She is in her flawless Press Secretary mode.  
  
"My oh my, CJ, you've really studied the Vice President's itinerary, haven't you?" Abbey teases her.  
  
CJ looks down at her dress before she delivers her save. "It's my job, isn't it, to know where everyone is going to be, and anticipate issues while they're there."  
  
**Good save!**  
  
"Of course, Claudia Jean, my wife was just being her usual self, teasing you." Jed smiled at the couple before him, wondering why he hadn't seen it before.  
  
CJ smiles nervously, and looks to John, not aware that his hand is resting on the small of her back. The President and the First Lady, however, do notice.  
  
"It's been a very long and busy evening, and I have to be here in a few hours, so I think I'm going to get going now." CJ searches the faces of her colleagues, wondering if it seems like she's trying to make her escape.  
  
"I'll take you home," John offered, all too eagerly. "I can have the driver drop you off on the way home."  
  
Please don't make this night end so soon...  
  
**I'd really like to, but what will the President think? The last thing I want is to have to discuss this non-relationship in the Oval office.**  
  
"She'll go with you," Abbey says abruptly. "I know she's had a couple glasses of champagne, and I've seen how well she can handle her alcohol. There's no way I want her driving herself." Abbey smiles and pulls CJ into a hug. Whispering in to her ear, Abbey grins as the words leave her mouth. "Play nicely with the Vice President CJ, I can see how much you like each other. Just remember that I want all the details tomorrow..."  
  
CJ offers her a cautious smile, and can't formulate an answer to her. "I appreciate your advice about the dress...We should go shopping sometime."  
  
John and the President shake hands, and then John leads CJ away from the Ballroom, both unaware of the couple staring at them.  
  
Walking through the corridors to the limo, they were silent, both unsure of what they should say to the other.  
  
**I really, REALLY want this night to last. This is the best date...non- date...that I've been on in ages.**  
  
Okay, so I'm driving you home, which is great, except now I have to try and control my feelings for another half hour, and I am already ready to explode. Christ, you can't act on any of these feelings.  
  
Getting into the limo, they sat beside each other in awkward silence.  
  
Finally, CJ breaks the silence. "I really had a great time tonight." "So did I. You dance really well, and I'm glad that we weren't attacked my any inanimate objects," John adds, lightening the mood.  
  
CJ laughed. "You had to remind me of that, didn't you?"  
  
"Well it wouldn't be fair if I didn't get credit for saving you from the desk-it definitely had an issue with you."  
  
"Ah, and me having to save you from Mrs. Trenholm is going to go unmentioned in all of this discussion of valour?" She offers him a cheeky grin as he moves closer to her. It's only inches, but the closeness of his body makes her heart skip a beat.  
  
"Thank you... This was the first time I've had a discussion with her and she hasn't grabbed my ass. You have a wonderful influence on people." John laughs and then blushes at his admission.  
  
"You're really quite sweet sometimes. You know, you should put that out there more often, and maybe people couldn't hold Stackhouse against you. I was very proud of how you handled everyone tonight-I never had any doubts that you would behave yourself..." CJ offers the last part of her sentence with the slightest amount of flirtation in her voice.  
  
The limo comes to a stop, and a moment later, the door opens. "Ms. Cregg, we're at your house now."  
  
"I'll walk her to the door, thank you Phillip." John opens his door, and walks around to CJ's. As he offers her his hand to help her out of the limo, she can see the look of dismay on the faces of his secret service agents.  
  
"You really don't have to, you realize that, right?"  
  
"What kind of date would I be if I left you to find your own way home?"  
  
"The kind of date that I usually have." CJ mumbles. "Scratch that. The type of date that I've had in the past, when I did date."  
  
John sighs in relief, glad that she isn't in a relationship with anyone.  
  
"Well, I'm not the typical date, and neither are you, so it's worth breaking a few rules." John keeps his hand on hers until they get to the door.  
  
"I had a really great time, despite it being a State Dinner, and thank you for the ride home." "Any time." John moves closer to CJ, and debates his next move. He could kiss her, and risk her hating him, or he could just leave, and let his imagination relive this part of their evening in his dreams.  
  
CJ leans in to kiss him on the cheek, before remembering that he wasn't the typical date. This is the Vice President that she is about to kiss.  
  
Then again, what harm could a little peck on the cheek do? Leaning in the rest of the way, and resting her hands on his forearms, CJ slowly and softly kisses him on the cheek.  
  
As she pulls away, they lock eyes and John pulls her back in for a longer, deeper kiss. She opens her mouth for him, and they explore each other's mouths for a long moment, tasting each other and savouring the feeling of being that close to each other. CJ's arms wrap around his neck while his find their way to her hips, and rest there, around her waist.  
  
Caught up in the kiss, they both forget about reality. He's the Vice President and she's the Press Secretary. That would be a scandal if ever there was one.  
  
Pulling away, and regaining her senses, CJ smiles at John. "Thank you again, Mr Vice President for the ride home."  
  
**Pretend it didn't happen, and maybe he'll do the same. He probably regrets it anyway, so let's make this easy on both of us.**  
  
"Um...No problem CJ. Thank you for escorting me to the dinner. You made it much more tolerable." John smiles back at her, his eyes exploring hers. He still hasn't released her hips. "It was a really great evening." CJ looks between them, realizing how close they are to each other, and that his arms are still wrapped around her. "You may need those back to leave," CJ teases, gesturing towards his arms.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Thanks." John removes his arms and masks a groan at the loss of contact.  
  
He turns to walk away, only to stop midway down the walkway to look back at her, still standing in the doorway, holding her arms in front of her.  
  
God she's amazing...  
  
**That was the most phenomenal kiss...**  
  
She's going to hate me now. That kiss. Holding her.  
  
**How are we going to work around this. He was a gentleman about the kiss, but he didn't want to hurt me.**  
  
I want to go back... John climbs into the limo, sure that turning around and going back to her isn't an option.  
  
As the limo pulls away, CJ closes the door, and presses her body up against it. **I wish he'd come back.**  
  
12____________________________________ Leo had called a small last minute meeting (or rather he had asked Margaret to drag most of the way from what they had been doing to gather) and a small collection of the communications staff now littered his office.  
  
"Okay," Leo begins, "for Hoynes' first campaign trip, I'd like a team of our own people to aid him."  
  
"You mean babysit Hoynes, don't you?" Toby interrupts, masking a small smile. Toby's contempt for the Vice President has only grown since the State Dinner, thanks mostly to his hour long conversation with Mrs. Trenholm and her hand being firmly planted on his behind. CJ can feel her body tense each time they mention his name. Her thoughts drift back to the kiss they shared on her patio a couple of weeks ago, and the emotions it invoked in her. Ever since, she has been thinking about him-during staff meetings, briefings, where she had to stop herself from misspeaking several times, and in fact most of the time.  
  
She has found herself absorbed by how he tasted, and how his arms felt around her waist, pulling her closer to him.  
  
"We'll pretend you didn't just say that. As far as anyone outside of this room is concerned, it's just to aid a less experienced team. He has, after all, lost several of his more experienced staff members." Leo lets out a deep sigh as he settles behind his desk, fully aware that certain members of his senior staff are going to react badly to being temporarily reassigned. "I want CJ and Toby to join the Vice President's campaign trip to Texas, and follow him through Georgia and Virginia where we will meet you."  
  
CJ's chest tightens as she hears Leo's words dance in her head over and over again. "You're going to be without a Communications Director and Press Secretary for a whole week? Don't you think that's suicide for our side of the team?" she asks, her voice betraying her.  
  
**I can't go-I'm obsessed with him, and being locked in a room with him discussing strategy and conferences...It's asking for trouble. This situation is going from bad to worse.**  
  
"It's actually ten days. You'll fly into Texas on Friday, spend two days there. Monday you fly to Georgia. We've extended your stay there to three days. Bruno's concerned that we're not courting the Southern vote. And therefore, we added a two day stop-over in North Carolina." Leo shuffles the papers Margaret handed him and glances toward the door.  
  
Jed walks into the room, appraising his staff and wondering why everyone seems so up tight. "It's ten days. There are these new fangled telephonic devices with personalized numbers-if there is the slightest problem, you guys will have a cell phone on you at all times, and we can call."  
  
"Oh," is all CJ manages to mumble, as she slides down in her chair, trying to mastermind a way out of going. For the past two weeks she's been doing everything in her power to avoid John Hoynes-even to the point that she sent him e-mails on what he should say, as opposed to wandering over to the OEOB, as she probably should have.  
  
**I'm never going to get out of this. It's like a conspiracy. Now I'm trapped with Vice President Hoynes. How am I going to make this work? It's not as if quitting is an option at this point either. Shit!**  
  
"You leave Friday morning at 5:15. Your itineraries have already been agreed with your assistants. Take a look at it and get back to me with anything else you need and any issues anticipate stumbling onto." Leo says, rubbing his hand over his sandy hair and looking between CJ and Toby. They both look totally shell shocked, which is something he can associate with, seeing as this trip wasn't his idea. "It could be worse kids-you could be on Ritchie's team."  
  
**At least I don't want to sleep with Ritchie.**  
  
"See you all this afternoon," Jed says, gesturing for them to leave. When everyone is gone, he looks at his best friend. "How long do you think it will be before CJ realizes how she feels for Hoynes?" Jed laughs, realizing how disgusted Leo is by the thought of their CJ with the Vice President.  
  
"That's just wrong, Sir, as Mallory would say." Leo reshuffles the papers on his desk, not quite sure what to do.  
  
Every man in the administration has felt something for CJ, whether it be brotherly love, fatherly adoration or something more like lust. Leo has been cursed with lusting after her since she joined the campaign, and now she seems to be absorbed in feelings for John Hoynes, once again reminding Leo that he can't have her.  
  
"I think she already knows it, but she's pretending that nothing is going on," Jed offers, sitting down and resting his hands on his knees. He knows how detrimentally a relationship between his Press Secretary and Vice President could affect his administration.  
  
"Nothing will come of it, I'm sure. They're just being flirtatious." His words sounded more assuring in his mind, Leo reminds himself as he sits back in his chair.  
  
"You didn't see them at the state dinner. They were totally absorbed by each other." Jed smiles as he stands. "All we can do is wait and see. If anything does come of it, we'll gauge it then and figure out the best plan of action."  
  
"Yeah," is all Leo can mumble, remembering that he did indeed see them together at the state dinner, and that was one memory he was trying to repress.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CJ spent the morning after the staff meeting making arrangements with Carol. She had given her assistant a long list of things to be aware of, and phone calls to make in the event of certain occurrences while she was touring with the Vice President.  
  
During her lunch, she looks over her itinerary, which includes hours of meetings each day with the Vice President and his other staff, as well as six already scheduled fundraisers. She makes a note for Carol to go home and check that all of her dresses are dry cleaned.  
  
**It's going to be hard to avoid him when I'm stuck in meetings and parties with him. At least I'll have Toby to keep me focussed.**  
  
Carol appears in the doorway, interrupting CJ's reverie. "Boss, the Vice President is here to see you."  
  
CJ's heart sinks, thinking of how hard it will be to be in the same room as him. "Okay, send him in," she says weakly.  
  
John walks into the room, leaving his agents to stand guard in front of the door. Carol closes the door behind her, leaving them in the room together, blocked from prying eyes.  
  
"Hi, CJ." John walks over to her desk, and sits in the visitors' chair. "I thought we should talk before take off Friday morning."  
  
I wish that things were different, and I could just act on my feelings, and God knows that you probably already hate me after what happened outside your door after the state dinner. I shouldn't push my luck. Just get this over with-tell her you're sorry that you were so aggressive, and get on with it.  
  
**Oh shit, he wants to talk, and it's probably about the kiss.**  
  
"Okay, I've looked over the itinerary, and it looks like we have lots of people to meet, and win over. I think we have a very good chance of stealing some voters from Ritchie, and getting the financial influx that we need." CJ looks down at the itinerary in front of her and counts the formal events again, silently to herself. Anything to distract her from how attractive he is.  
  
"That's what we're hoping for." John moves his hands over his knees, trying to formulate a good way to say he's sorry if he was too forward that night. "I'm very thankful you're on our team-we need all the help we can get, and I know that you will pull everything together for us."  
  
"My pleasure."  
  
**I can't even look at you right now. How am I going to survive a week with you?**  
  
She can't look at me. She's that ashamed of what happened between us? I've spent the past few weeks fantasizing about her, and she can't even look at me.  
  
"I'm sorry," John blurts out, tired of trying to formulate a better way to say what is on his mind.  
  
"Excuse me?" CJ looks at him, totally unsure of what he's apologizing for.  
  
"I'm sorry about the kiss, if it made you uncomfortable," he says softly. His face begins to change to a red hue, just from thinking about her, and the kiss, and then having to say something about it all.  
  
"Please, um, don't apologize," CJ pleas, a little too desperately. In an attempt to make a save from her last comment, she offers a strained laugh. "I wasn't exactly beating you off with a stick or anything."  
  
"The Secret Service may have taken issue with that course of action," John chides as he realizes that she doesn't seem to regret it as much as he thought she did. "So you don't think I was abusing my power as Vice President?"  
  
"No," CJ exclaims all too ambitiously before feeling awkward about her response. "I mean, do I get to write a book if I say yes?" CJ teases. "Seriously? No, that thought never even crossed my mind. I thought that you were a gentleman, and you...kissed me goodnight."  
  
**It's not totally untrue, right? I mean, he was a perfect gentleman, even if it felt like there was something more to it.**  
  
"I wasn't kissing you because I could," John says, hoping he won't have to make the distinction between being able to, and wanting to. The look on CJ's face tells him that he has to spell it out for her. Being purposefully oblique wasn't helping him. "I was kissing you because I wanted to."  
  
An awkward silence forms between them, neither one sure of what to do next.  
  
Did I just screw up any chances we had of this trip not being awkward?  
  
**He wanted to kiss me? It wasn't just something that happened?**  
  
"CJ, I don't want to screw things up with you. I've enjoyed getting to know you over the last few weeks. And I've come to realize that you're a good Press Secretary. But spending time with you, I've also come to respect you as a person, so if you feel that I'm stepping over the line, I want you to tell me. Otherwise, I'm interested in you on a personal level."  
  
Shit, I didn't mean to actually say that last part! I meant to stop before I got so honest!  
  
**Did he actually say what I think he said, or am I delusional?**  
  
"Now I've stepped over the line, huh?" John plays with the arm of his chair, afraid that if he really looks at her, he will act on the feelings that he's experiencing. This time, he fears, she might not welcome him as readily.  
  
"You really wanted to kiss me?" CJ's eyes beg him to answer, almost fearful of what his response will be.  
  
"I wouldn't lie to you, if that's what you're asking."  
  
For much too long now.  
  
"So...I mean, where do go from here?" CJ stands, and walks around her desk, resting against the desktop, and staring into his eyes.  
  
**Say anything except that you want us to just forget about it, please. I can handle just about anything but that.**  
  
"I want to give you the chance to tell me to go to hell." He moves towards the door, trying to put distance between them. Leaning against it, his eyes appraise her. "If you want to call me crazy, or deranged, I'm not going to be mad at you. Not a chance. I just want you to be sure you're comfortable with the idea of there being an us."  
  
"But there isn't any potential for an us," CJ blurts out, not realizing how it sounds.  
  
"Oh," John responds, trying to hide his disappointment and mentally chides himself for coming on too strongly and putting her in a difficult position.  
  
"No, I mean, not yet there isn't. We can't work on forming a relationship while working towards winning an election. It just can't happen. It's political suicide." CJ winces as she realizes what she's just said. She's just banished them to months of being just friends, despite her urge to be much more than that with him.  
  
"I kind of feel like we're worth more than a good campaign." John sighs as he thinks about what she just said.  
  
Would I really be willing to give up the Vice Presidency and potentially the Presidency just to be with her? Probably, yeah. She's my chance for happiness. I've never felt this before, and I'm starting to think that this is it.  
  
"What? We hardly know each other. Hell, we've only kissed once. This might be a one minute wonder. I'm not sure I'm willing to let you make that sacrifice for something neither one of us is sure of. It's too soon and it's unfair of you to put that burden on me." CJ stands and turns away from him to walk to the window, thinking of what he just offered to do. She wouldn't let him, no matter what, she decides.  
  
"I am not willing to let us slip by either, if there's a chance of making it work." John follows her to the window and stands behind her, the urge to hold her too strong to resist. "I'd at least like to give this a shot, as long as you want to as well," he whispered, as his arms slid around her waist.  
  
CJ nods mutely, not trusting herself to argue the reasons why any longer.  
  
Turning her to face him, John pulls her into a deep kiss. His hands travel across her back while their tongues moved rythmically together, neither one of them thinking or justifying-just being caught up in each other.  
  
When they break apart, CJ looks into his eyes, trying to figure out what he is thinking.  
  
"We'll wait until the end of the election, and whatever the outcome, you and I will explore this, right? Is that the only way you're going to let us do this?" John holds her tightly against him, waiting for her response.  
  
"Yeah, that's the deal." CJ closes her eyes and sighs, "This is going to be a very difficult campaign, and we're going to have to deal with each other a great deal. We need to remember that until the election, it's strictly professional between us."  
  
John nods his acceptance of her terms. "That means no more kissing, right?"  
  
"Unfortunately," CJ admits. "Well, one more, and then no more, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, that seems fair," John agrees.  
  
Moving slowly towards each other, millions of thoughts race through their minds.  
  
**I'm never going to make it until after the election. I'm not sure I can make it until September.**  
  
Oh, we're in trouble  
  
13___________  
  
It had been what felt like the longest day of her life, surpassed by none in memory, and as CJ sat in the hotel bathtub, revelling in the silence, she considers all the events of the day and how difficult this campaign trip will be.  
  
Hoynes' Press Secretary is a disaster, CJ discovered this morning, and his ineptitude far exceeds just being green. In deed, as far as Press Secretaries go, Miles isn't even suited to be a deputy. His temper is fiery, as CJ found out at an afternoon staff meeting, and he doesn't think before he speaks. That, from what CJ could tell, would be their greatest obstacle. If Miles couldn't pull his act together, CJ had no issues trying to find a new person for the job, but at the same time, that was one more stress that she didn't need.  
  
Of course it didn't help that during the meeting on the plane; she kept staring at John, and thinking about their discussion before they left. What would they do to explore the relationship? Obviously the Vice President of the United States of America couldn't go out on a date, but at the same time, CJ truly wanted some form of sign that this wasn't just the over active imagination of a woman deeply obsessed with a man she couldn't have.  
  
He had kissed her again, she reminded herself, but then again, she had kissed him back. And then she told him that she hoped they could go out together some time.  
  
"Stupid move, CJ," she chided herself as she moved her hands over her legs, leading the razor over them. "Why didn't you just ask him if you could pass him notes during home economics class?" Sighing, CJ continued to work through her day.  
  
**It could have been worse. He might not have kissed me back, at which point I'd have to move to another country and pray to God that I never had to see him again. But I love seeing him. I enjoy spending time with him, and thinking about him. Not that I enjoy the whole 'discretion' thing, or not being able to act on my feelings, and being this close to him makes it more difficult. Oh well, it's only ten days that we have to spend so close together, and then we'll have the safety of distance to protect us. We just have to survive the campaign, and then, whatever the outcome, we can investigate our options. Assuming he's still interested in me.**  
  
The ringing of her phone breaks her reverie, and CJ reaches over her towel to the phone, realizing that she was so caught up in her thoughts that she cut herself with the razor and there is a red tinge to the water in the tub.  
  
"Oh shit!" CJ frowns as she searches for the 'talk' button. "Hello?"  
  
"Hi. Did I wake you?" The familiar drawl on the extension makes CJ forget about the stinging sensation in her leg.  
  
"No, not at all." CJ wonders about where he is, secretly wishing he were laying in bed thinking about her right before he picked up the phone.  
  
"So what were you doing, if you weren't sleeping, as you probably should have been?" John grins at the thought he had of her laying on the sofa, with her long legs over the side arm, watching CNN and yelling at the television.  
  
"Having a bath."  
  
"Really?"  
  
That's an idea that's going to stick with me, I know it.  
  
"Yeah, I wanted to wind down." Moving the razor to the side of the tub and rinsing her leg with her free hand, she surveys the damage. Just a knick, she determines, and then lathers her other leg with the raspberry smelling foam.  
  
"I'm sorry I got you out of the tub."  
  
"You didn't. I'm on the cordless."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Yeah, it's gonna be one of those nights full of dreams, I know it. The image of CJ in a tub full of bubbles, and...naked. Oh God.  
  
**How far can I take this before he jumps ship? He's a pretty tough guy, but if he thinks that I'm pushing too hard, what will happen? Is it worth the chance? Oh, fuck it.**  
  
"Too bad we decided not to pursue anything until after the election, otherwise I would invite you over to join me." CJ hesitates as she says the last part. "Of course, I could still invite you over for a nightcap after I get out. We could sit around with ice cream sundaes and virgin cocktails or something."  
  
"That sounds wonderful." John thinks about the options. Go and risk getting caught or not going and spending the night tossing and turning. "We do have to discuss what we're going to do about press coverage, and I'm really dissatisfied with the press releases coming out of my office. I could...pick your brain."  
  
Yeah, because there aren't any sexual connotations in that, no not at all.  
  
"I don't want you to feel like the campaign isn't being maximized. If you really want to discuss the coverage, I guess I can be out of the tub and dressed in..." CJ tries to figure out what seems like a reasonable amount of time without seeming over ambitious. "How about in a half hour?"  
  
"I appreciate your dedication to your job. A half hour would be great." John hangs up the phone and has to stop himself from jumping up and down like a freshman who just got a date with a sophomore.  
  
A half hour. What am I going to wear? I want to look comfortable and relaxed, but I don't want to be too comfortable, or she may assume I don't want to put an effort in for her. Oh Christ, who am I kidding? I mean, I've not been this nervous since high school, and even then, I had a certain confidence that I don't have now.  
  
"Snap out of it, John. You have twenty-seven minutes to get over to CJ's suite, and you still don't know what you're going to wear."  
  
__  
  
CJ had spent the past twenty minutes finding clothes when she remembered that she never did make it to shaving the rest of her other leg, or her underarms.  
  
"Great, the one night that I have even the most remote chance of ending up in bed with a man, and I have hairy armpits. Lovely thought and something we're going to have to rectify Claudia Jean." Rushing back towards the bathroom, CJ checks out her make up (which she somehow managed to apply impeccably while blow-drying her hair) and finds the razor again.  
  
It had taken her most of the time to pick out a pair of black coloured jeans and a white tank top with lace trim along the collar, which was shaped in a wonderfully deep v. She had been concerned with wearing clothes that were either too revealing or too frumpy, but at the same time, she knew that it was eleven o'clock at night and anything she wore to work would be overboard for a late night 'strategy' meeting with the Vice President.  
  
Finally having finished shaving, CJ looked at the clock and realized that she had five minutes to spare-remarkable timing she noted, considering what she had accomplished since her bath. Sitting on her bed, which she realizes now is awkwardly present in the middle of her room, CJ reaches for the TV remote control and turns it to CNN and pulls out some random files from her end table, spreading them across the bed.  
  
**Might as well have something to make it look like I'm interested in talking about work, right?**  
  
When a soft knock falls on her door, CJ feels her heart jump into her throat and she forces herself to count to ten before she answers it.  
  
"Good evening Mr. Vice President, how are you?" CJ offers a very professional smile, trying to seem merely cordial and not interested in him romantically.  
  
"I'm very well, CJ, and you?" He watches her as she gestures for him to enter the room, her long arms going on forever, and leading to her neck, with which he has found a new obsession.  
  
"Good, thank you. I have those ideas for you, as to how we can improve your campaign releases," CJ says loudly enough before she closes the door behind him, hoping that she didn't seem to be over compensating.  
  
"Oh, yeah," John fumbles, still caught up in the smooth lines and soft curves that form her body.  
  
"Don't sound so excited there, Mr Vice President." CJ laughs as she makes her way across the room, and sits in the chair beside the bed. "I mean, it's just a matter of either winning re-election or ... well, not."  
  
"I'm ... you know." John fidgets, hoping that he wouldn't have to spell everything out for her.  
  
**Do it, CJ. Make him say what he wants, and then you can stop playing this paranoid role that you seem to be so caught up in."  
  
"I'm sorry? What are you trying to say?" Smiling, CJ leans forward in her chair and watches as he sits on the edge of the bed, only then realizing where he is.  
  
"I was hoping that ... you wanted to spend some time ... getting to know each other." John blushes slightly as he allows his eyes to trail over her body, and then back to her face, hoping that she didn't notice.  
  
"Okay, then, what do you want to know?"  
  
"That's it. It's that easy?" Evaluating the way she is acting, John can tell that CJ wants him to take the lead in whatever the night would become. "Alright, here's the deal. One for one. You ask one question, I answer, and then I ask and you answer."  
  
"Easy enough Sir, go ahead." CJ smirks as she watches him fluster.  
  
"And no more sir, tonight. Just John. If I'm going to ask you questions about your real life, you had better not be thinking of me as the Vice President, because as such, I don't care. It's me that's asking, not my job."  
  
CJ smiles as she thinks about calling him by his name-an idea that only crossed her mind in dreams when she pictured a few years in the future, complete with the idea of a family and a wonderful house with a picket fence.  
  
"Alright, let's go." Moving over to the bed, CJ stretches out on her back, and encourages him to lie beside her, staring at the ceiling. When he finally does lay beside her, she reaches for his hand and waits for him to start.  
  
"So why did you decide to work for Bartlet?"  
  
14_____  
  
They spent all night talking, discussing the banalities of life that co- workers (who really didn't work together frequently) would rarely ever know about each other. Any pets? Siblings? Cars?  
  
CJ and John had asked each other the types of questions that they'd never get the answers to anywhere else, and somewhere in the early morning, they drifted off to sleep.  
  
There was a peacefulness to their night that was unusual for them, and when the buzz of the alarm clock drags them back to reality neither one of them can bring themselves to move. Her head resting on his chest, she reaches across him to hit the top of the awful little black box, and then closes her eyes, realizing finally that her pillow is rising and falling steadily.  
  
Looking up, she stares into his wonderful eyes, and allows herself to fantasize about what they could do now.  
  
"Shit," CJ finally says, with a sudden realization. "It's daylight, and you're still in my room."  
  
"Well it's not like we did anything. We talked, and that's hardly a crime." John runs his hand over her face, watching as she elevates her upper body over his.  
  
"No, it's not, but we're the only ones that know that we didn't do anything, and nobody else will care! We've got to figure out a way to get you out of here unnoticed." CJ rubs her temple, thinking about how bad this could be for them. It's been two days since they decided to wait until after the election. Two days. She had thought that they'd at least make it a month.  
  
"Nobody knows I'm here, so it will be easy. Nobody even knows that I wasn't in my room last night, so I don't see what the big deal is. We watch for the hall to be clear, and when nobody's out there, I make a run for it. No big deal." John smiles as he watches her. She is very obviously formulating something in her mind.  
  
"Okay, that actually sounds reasonable, and I'm not sure if it is because I enjoyed having you here last night or if it is because it really is a good plan. I guess we'll find out soon enough, right?" Sitting up and smoothing her tank top, CJ stretches, noticing how John's eyes trail over her. "After the election, remember? This little screw up can't be repeated."  
  
Almost on cue, a rapping noise startles them, and very quickly it is followed by a voice. "Hey Ceej," the voice bellows.  
  
Instantly, she knows that it's Toby. "I've got to talk to you," he calls through the door.  
  
"Nobody can find the Vice President, and we've had to move his first appointment up an hour, so if we don't find him soon, he's going to be late, and I really don't want to explain to Leo that we lost him." The voice is frazzled and exhausted, sounding as if it has been speaking countless words all night long.  
  
"Pokey, I just woke up," CJ says, inching open the door and hiding her body behind it, pretending to shield a less than dressed body. "I'm not even really decent yet."  
  
"That's fine," Toby announces, pushing the door open and barging into her room.  
  
"No!" CJ cries, before she turns around to see that the room is empty.  
  
"CJ, what's up with you?" Toby asks quickly. "Someone hiding in here that I should know about?" He laughs quickly as she gasps, unsure of how to respond.  
  
"No, no. Don't be crazy, Tobias. I'm just ... I'm tired and I guess I didn't want you to see that I fell asleep in my clothes, reading memos again. You always lecture me about taking my memos to bed with me." CJ forces a laugh and looks around the room for any sign of the Vice President, only noticing his monogrammed black leather brief case hiding in the corner beside the bed.  
  
"That's just because I've seen you wake up in your office with ink on your face from the newsprint, and you look so damn silly." Toby sits down on her bed, not noticing that the blankets haven't been moved or slept under, and then begins again. "What are we going to do with this guy? I mean, it's been less than twenty-four hours, and we're already missing the Vice President? This is no way to start a campaign." Toby lies back on the bed and closes his eyes.  
  
"Well, Pokey, with any luck he just went for a morning run or something." CJ offers a simple explanation, hoping that will appease him.  
  
"I was hoping it was that easy, but the secret service agents that are assigned to him say that he dumped them last night just after eleven and hasn't been seen since." Toby grimaces as he begins to verbalize his fear. "You don't think that we've got a mistress to contend with, do you?"  
  
CJ practically chokes at his implication, realizing that she is the woman to whom he is alluding to.  
  
"I doubt it," she begins. "Wouldn't we know if he had someone that he was seeing? I mean, I wouldn't have been his date to the state dinner if he had a significant other," CJ covers smoothly. "The press would have had a hay day otherwise."  
  
"I don't think they know about her yet, but they will, and when they do, we had better be prepared." Toby sits up and looks at his best friend.  
  
"We will be," CJ reassures him, realizing that her words are ultimately for her own benefit more so than his. "Besides, I'm sure the Vice President will just appear somewhere and he'll have a perfectly legitimate reason for not being around last night."  
  
"I hope so," Toby responds curtly. "Now, get dressed and come help us find him." Nodding, she leads him to the door, and mentions that she needs to get a quick shower before she can be seen in public, hopefully buying herself some time.  
  
Closing the door behind him, she turns to see John once again sitting on her bed. "I've guess Toby's on to me already." John laughs as CJ approaches him and sits on the bed next to him.  
  
"Yeah, so now I'm your mistress?" There is an air of comfort between them as they talk, realizing that they share a secret, as well as affection for one another.  
  
"Well, currently I'd prefer to think of you as a love interest, and less of a mistress. That word just sounds so tawdry and wrong for you." John lets his hand run down the length of her thigh as she contemplates what to do next.  
  
"We need to get you out of here, and then you need to come up with an alibi for last night. Make it something good that I can sell to the Press. I want you to apologize to your secret service agents, and then I want you to track down Toby." CJ works through the list that is forming in her mind, trying to cover all of her basis.  
  
"Wow, if you're this bossy already, what's it going to be like once we're in a serious relationship?" John teases CJ, noticing the tension in her shoulders releasing as he speaks.  
  
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," CJ offers plainly.  
  
"Ah, hell, you can boss me around anytime you like, just as long as we get to talk until the early morning hours from time to time, okay?" John propels his hand to be level with hers, encouraging her to shake on it.  
  
"Deal."  
  
"Deal."  
  
15_____ One of the hotel rooms had been converted into a communications bullpen early in the day, and CJ had claimed stake on the desk, only promising to share the area with Toby.  
  
Everyone else was relegated to the bed, the chairs, or coffee table and one person had even taken up residence on top of the mini-fridge, placing all of her files in order there.  
  
The morning was gruelling for her, only allowing her enough time to watch Toby yelling at the Vice President about the mysterious disappearing act that he pulled the night before.  
  
John had covered relatively well, all things considered, and explained that he liked to take some time off before any major happenings in his life, and that in the future he wouldn't dump his secret service protection. Momentarily, Toby seemed appeased.  
  
As the day wore on, CJ had tried to keep her mind off of how his scent had lingered on her tank top when he left her room, and how wonderful it was to wake up on somebody's chest, after having talked. The sensations that had filled her body while she lay in his arms were not lost on her. She had been consumed by the sensuality of lying in someone's arms but not making love with them. Being able to just relax into them was definitely more intimate, in CJ's mind.  
  
It was a unique experience for CJ, who has never before sat up all night long talking to a man she was interested in, and now, the day after, she finds herself consumed by the memories of how it felt. He didn't push her towards sex, nor did he make her feel as if she was unattractive to him, as some guys had done before, unaware of how to deal with her height and position of influence.  
  
It was perfect, CJ keeps telling herself.  
  
Stuck in the moment, CJ fights the urge to call him and ask him to join her again tonight, knowing perfectly that she can't do it, for fear that he would say yes, and that she would break her own rules.  
  
"CJ? CJ ..." Looking up, CJ finds Janine standing over her.  
  
"Oh, hey Janine." CJ smiles, wondering how long she had been consumed by her trance.  
  
"Hi. The Vice President sent me over to ask you to swing by his office later to discuss whatever it is you were discussing yesterday." The cryptic message had intrigued her, and the more she thought about it, the more Janine wondered what exactly she had missed.  
  
"I don't know if I can. I have a mountain of work to catch up before the fundraiser tonight, and I need to go over those briefings. Can you tell him that I'll try to free fives minute for him after lunch?"  
  
"I don't think that's what he had in mind," Janine hesitates. "He was very clear in asking that you be in his office during his scheduled lunch hour- something about multitasking."  
  
"Fine, I'll be there, okay?" CJ waves her arms in exasperation, not sure of what more she can handle today and underestimating her will power.  
  
"I'll let him know to expect you." Leaving, she looks back to confirm her suspicion. CJ is smiling softly while filing.  
  
****  
  
Knocking softly on the room door, CJ lets herself in, only to find a blanket spread out on the floor of the Vice President's make-shift office, and a picnic basket brimming with food lying off to the side of it.  
  
"Oh my..." CJ's mouth falls open as she surveys the room around her. John is stretched out before her on the blanket, holding a bottle of water in his one hand and staring intently at her.  
  
"You may want to close the door, there, CJ." John watches her as she slowly pulls the door closed behind her.  
  
"We can't have lunch like this," CJ finally exclaims, having regained her composure. "What if someone walks in on us?"  
  
"Walks in on us doing what?" The Vice-President teases. "I was planning on us having an innocent lunch."  
  
CJ allows her body to crumple to the floor beside him, looking over the contents of the basket. "You realize that getting caught means you risk your chances of becoming VP again, and I risk all credibility for my position, and for future positions."  
  
"Ok, now can you explain that to me," John asks innocently. "I mean, how do we really risk anything by searching out love?"  
  
**He said the 'L' word. Did he mean to? Nah, it's one of those slips...Or maybe he's searching for love and leaving no stone unturned.**  
  
This really might be love, CJ. Why don't you just let us be happy, and create a relationship?  
  
"Well, uh. Okay, here's why." CJ sits upright, taking a proffered sandwich from him and a bottle of water. "If we are caught in a relationship, the assumption will be that you aren't focussed on your position, and the Christian Right will force the issue as if you were anti- nuclear families. You'll be one step away from being compared to Machiavelli, and for me. Well, it's the old standard for women. I'll be seen as sleeping my way to the top."  
  
"But you're not screwing the President, are you?" John asks his question in all seriousness, watching her cringe at the implication.  
  
"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer." She chews on her sandwich, only to notice him watching her. "What is your fascination with this sandwich?"  
  
"What makes you think it's what you're eating?" John shuffles his body closer to hers, hoping that she won't push him away. Moving his lips to hers, he gently begins to suck on her bottom lip, staring into her eyes, and becoming consumed by her.  
  
Letting his hand caress her breasts through her blouse, John revels in the warmth he feels, and watches as CJ moves closer to him.  
  
This is how I want to spend every lunch hour. And every breakfast. And every dinner. For the rest of my life, I want to be with this incredible woman. And she won't even let me date her. Not yet at least.  
  
Pulling away, John surveys her face, fearing that she will be angry at him, or feel like he's pushing her.  
  
"You said that there couldn't be any more kissing. That wasn't a kiss," he points out.  
  
Her face and chest tinged with a soft blush, CJ formulates her answer carefully, knowing that he's going to hold her to every word she says. "I'm very confident that any behaviour of that sort will trigger uproar among the Press Corps."  
  
"And do you see any of them around?"  
  
"Okay, you caught me there. So we're going to have to be very careful if we're going to do things like this," CJ says, understanding that she's reneging on rules she put in place. "I want to spend time with you," she confesses weakly, nervous of how her words will be met.  
  
"And if you'll let me, I'll arrange for us to get together. We don't have to...You know, push this relationship any further along than we feel comfortable with, but I do feel as if we owe ourselves at least a beginning to this."  
  
"But discretion is a must, because if anyone on Senior Staff finds out, we're both going to have to answer to the President," CJ reminds him. "Never mind the entire country."  
  
"I'm willing to take the chance, if you are." John moves his hand over her arm, watching her lean in to his touch.  
  
For the first time, CJ leans in to kiss him first. Her hands wrap around his neck and just before she lets her lips seek out his, she stops herself. Just staring in to his eyes, CJ feels herself getting lost.  
  
"Thank you," she whispers softly.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being so wonderful and determined." She lets her lips lightly touch his, while his arms tighten around her waist, caressing her lower back.  
  
Separating their lips and gazing intently at each other, CJ and John sit in companionable silence, enjoying the feel of their embrace, and the taste of the other on their lips.  
  
"So you're going to arrange for us to meet again, somewhere during the trip," CJ asks, secretly hoping that he wants to see as much of her as she does him.  
  
"I have a few ideas that should be valid reasons to get together over the course of the next week. It will be easier once we're back in DC" John points out, allowing his fingers to trace soft patterns over her knuckles.  
  
I'll do whatever I have to do to insure that we get to spend time together. Even if I have to call you in to my office to argue over something everyday, I'll make it work.  
  
"Let's eat," CJ exclaims, hoping to lighten the mood. "I'm famished, and I'm pretty sure I see some dessert in that basket."  
  
John watches as she digs through the basket and evaluates the contents of the container. "You know," he begins, "that it's very difficult to pull together a picnic under these circumstances."  
  
"I would imagine." CJ grins as she chooses from the assorted fruits in the basket, finally opting to eat an apple. "What gave you the idea for the picnic, anyway?"  
  
"It was just a good idea you gave me."  
  
"Really? How'd I do this?" She asks, in awe of the man who did this for her, and his way of making her feel like the only woman alive that matters.  
  
Sliding closer to her, John rests his hand on hers and entwines their fingers. "Remember when we were laying on your bed, and you were listing all the things you missed about California?" He waits for her to acknowledge the memory before he continues. "You said that you missed being able to live like a normal person-someone who doesn't have to worry about what the Press will think, or who can take walks through parks with your boyfriend and not worry about how it's going to be twisted."  
  
I promise, one day we will be able to take walks together, without any of the concerns you have, and hopefully it will be soon. I don't want to wait any more.  
  
"I actually said that I missed being able to have a boyfriend," CJ interrupts, laughing nervously. "I've only had three guys express any real interest in me since I've come to DC-well, three guys that I would date if I could- and one of them was a reporter who I swear to God fell of the face of the planet randomly one day and never came back, the second was my secret service agent who died just as we finally started to get closer," CJ pauses, still feeling awkward about being so honest with him, "and the third is you. In case you haven't noticed, you're Vice President of the United States of America."  
  
"Well I could see the roadblocks with the first two, but what's my problem?" John laughs as he pulls her closer to him. "I'm still just John Hoynes, no matter what my job is. I won't disappear on you without a trace, and I have no intentions of dying on you, so you're just going to have to come up with a reason not to explore this."  
  
"And if I don't want to come up with reasons?"  
  
"Then, my dear, I'm afraid you're stuck with me."  
  
"Mmm...I like the sound of that." CJ moves towards him.  
  
**Should I invite him back to my room tonight? Worst case scenario is he says no. Wait, no, worse case scenario is that we get caught. Either way, we're going to be in trouble. But I want to lay in his arms for a few hours, if not all night long.**  
  
"I was wondering," CJ begins, pulling back from him enough that she feels her stomach drop at the lack of closeness between them, "if maybe we could talk again tonight?"  
  
John leans back on the blanket, propping himself up on his elbows, and then looks at CJ. "I don't know if me spending the night is a good idea," he says, all too rationally for his own liking.  
  
"No, no you're right," she agrees over ambitiously. "I guess I got caught up in the whole normal thing."  
  
**If you back tread any faster CJ, you're gonna have to enter the Olympics. Slow down! Of course, that's just my mind saying that. My body's sending me a different message.**  
  
"Hey, hey...Hey," John finally says softly, "don't act like I just told you that I don't want to date you, because that's not what just happened. Not at all." He sighs as he sits up again. "You have no idea how much I want to be with you, to talk all night long, but we both know that it's too soon for much more than that. Let me arrange for a couple of things, and we'll take it from there, okay?"  
  
"Sure," CJ says, understanding that he is right, and mad at herself for letting her emotions get away from her.  
  
"I'm serious about this, you know that right?" John's hands dance over her thighs, as she breathes in his scent and moves into his touch.  
  
"I do. I just want everything now. I hate waiting."  
  
"We won't have to wait much longer, just keep telling yourself that." John smiles, finally secure in the knowledge that she wants him as much as he wants her.  
  
"Just keep reminding me, okay?"  
  
I won't ever let you forget-not about us.  
  
**I need some help in the will power department...I need a lot of help. And some ice cream.**  
  
16________  
  
"So," John begins, "what you're saying is that we don't have an adequate media strategy in place for this campaign tour?" This, if it works, will give him and CJ some extra time alone together.  
  
"I'm not saying that," CJ amends, playing along with the strategy John had called her with the night before. "I'm saying that we could improve upon our approach and possibly bring in more people and money. It's not a very difficult thing to correct. It will just require us to do some immediate planning."  
  
"Alright, let's look at this. Toby, CJ, I'd like to meet with you both tonight at my suite-we'll go over some notes in my office and run ideas. I want to be as active as I can with this plan," John finishes, trying to refrain from laughing at the implications of what he just said. Only CJ understands the plan he has in place, and goes along with it.  
  
"Well I have some briefs to review tonight actually; can we do this tomorrow morning before our first meeting?" CJ tries to sound as disinterested in the meeting as possible.  
  
"I'd really like to work through this tonight-we need to optimize this trip." John looks around the room, noticing how everyone seems to be accepting the charade.  
  
CJ shrugs in defeat, trying to look as upset as possible, and looks over to Toby, anticipating his response.  
  
"But I have that meeting with the Senator and his wife tonight, as well as that speech for tomorrow afternoon," Toby adds, furious that the Vice President would even consider throwing more work towards him and CJ.  
  
"Oh yeah. I think Janine mentioned that. Okay, well CJ and I will work on it then."  
  
That was too easy  
  
**I have to admit, that was a good plan.**  
  
As the room empties, CJ looks back at John and winks at him, smiling. "See you tonight then," she says, trying to mask her anticipation.  
  
"Yeah, let's say 6:30, okay?"  
  
"Okay, see you then."  
  
@@@@@@@@@  
  
By 6:25, John is running around frantically trying to find everything he had bought as discretely as he could throughout the day. He had made a list the night before, planning what he wanted to get, and as the day wore on, he went through his list making small amendments.  
  
Flowers were first on his list, so after his luncheon with the most loyal Bartlet supporter in North Carolina, John rushed to the nearest florist and bought as many bouquets of wild flowers as possible. Smiling at the young sales clerk who was clearly in awe at the sight of the Vice President who was standing in front of her, John explained that he wanted to thank his staff for all their hard work-it wasn't that big of a stretch.  
  
After several short stops at specialty stores, and one embarrassing trip to the mall, John settled in to organize things. It had to be perfect, he kept telling himself. No matter what, it had to be absolutely ideal tonight. This was his chance to do something wonderful for CJ, and show her how much he cares for her.  
  
When there is a knock on the door, John jumps, quickly reviewing the room and then running down the hall to the door. Trying not to seem too anxious as he opens the door, John is greeted by Geoff, his secret service agent.  
  
"Good evening Sir. Ms. Cregg is here to see you." The well dressed house- sized man politely speaks, gesturing towards a nervous looking CJ standing a few feet away.  
  
"Okay, thank you Geoffrey." Waving CJ toward the door, he smiles at the agent and then pulls the door closed behind them. "I'm glad you're here..."  
  
"So am I-very good plan I must say." CJ moves a little closer to him, wanting to kiss him. "Very...Good..." Leaning in, she lets her mouth gently find its way to his and her arms wrap around his neck. As their lips part, CJ feels his hands slide around her waist. "Plan..." She smiles against his lips.  
  
Reluctantly pulling apart, John takes her hand and leads her to the living room.  
  
"I planned something for you, and I don't want you to feel...well, strange about it," he begins, starting to wonder about how well thought out his plan was.  
  
She could hate everything...No, I doubt it, just do it John.  
  
"I decided that you're way too stressed out, and that you need a relaxing evening."  
  
"Please don't tell me that you just realized how stressed I am-I've been like this for five years now!" She smiles, realizing how vulnerable she feels at this moment. He never seems to waver from the strong and confident type.  
  
Please don't hate it...  
  
"Well, I've arranged a nice relaxing bath for you," he says hesitantly. "I want you to have some time, uninterrupted and to yourself."  
  
"Wow," she smiles, trying to think of all the things that could come of a simple bath. "So I get to have a bath? What happened to us having some time together?" She asks, trying to hide the little bit of disappointment that she feels, knowing that she may not be able to spend as much time with him as she had anticipated.  
  
She hates, it, I knew it!  
  
**Can't I have both?**  
  
Jokingly, he tries to hide his disappointment. "Well it is a Jacuzzi tub..."  
  
"Very funny, Mr. Vice President..." She sits down on his couch, watching him fidget.  
  
"CJ, please, PLEASE don't call me that," he pleas.  
  
"But it's fun to bug you sometimes. Why shouldn't I?" Patting the spot beside her, she sits back a bit, and thinks over what she plans to do. "So tell me your plan..."  
  
Sitting down beside her, he thinks about it for a moment and then begins to speak softly. "Well, I'm going to disappear and draw your bath water, and you will stay here relaxing. When I get back, I'll show you what I had in mind."  
  
"Oh, so you'll show me, will you?" Her mind is racing at a million miles a minute, trying to figure out what she wants to happen. The circumstances seem somewhat sensual, but at the same time, he's trying to make this innocent gesture for her.  
  
"Yeah, so hold on, and I'll be right back." Squeezing her hand tightly, John gets up of the couch and moments later, CJ can hear the water running from the bathroom. A soft humming is also faintly audible, although she cannot figure out what he is singing.  
  
**I've never had a man do this for me before-pamper me and do things to make me relax. He's such an amazing guy.**  
  
When the water stops, she waits for him to appear. After a few minutes of waiting anxiously, the curiosity drives her crazy and she decides to go find him.  
  
Rounding the corner, she can see a faint glow of white illumination flickering and the subtle scent of sandalwood.  
  
The counters are brimming with large bouquets of wild flowers in every colour and combination. Her voice catches in her throat when he takes her hand and leads her nearer to the Jacuzzi.  
  
"I bought you some bath bubbles as well as this," he said, passing her a tiny bottle with a pink label, filled with a similarly coloured gel. "When I smelled it, I thought it would be really nice treat for you." Passing the bottle to her, John watches as she raises the bottle to her nose and smelled it.  
  
"Very good choice," she adds, reading the label. "Exotic, huh?"  
  
"Well..." he pauses briefly to consider his answer, "It couldn't hurt." Laughing gently, John brought her closer to the edge of the tub. "Now, there are a few other things I picked up for you, so if you just explore the bath tub a bit, you're going to find everything, I'm sure." Untangling his hand from hers, John begins to leave the bathroom. Remembering an important detail, he stops and turns to her again, enjoying the attention he's receiving from her. "By the way, when you get out of the bath, don't get dressed right away," he tries to add non-challantly.  
  
"Oh, so I'm not allowed to get dressed now, huh?" Grinning, CJ considers the words he said.  
  
"Well I'm not asking you to be a nudist-unless that's what you want because I'm not sure I could complain-I'm just asking you to put on the robe first, and then you'll get the rest of your surprise." Winking at her, John grips the door handle, not wanting to leave.  
  
"Are you planning on leaving, because if so, I think your plan is seriously flawed."  
  
"My intentions are honourable-to give you a chance to relax." Swallowing his breath hard, he tries to ignore the implication.  
  
"Well, think of it this way. I came here to spend time with you and you plan this amazing night. And now you're going to leave me alone in this bath tub, to miss out on spending time with you?" Unbuttoning her blouse, CJ walks to him, taking his hands in hers.  
  
**Please, PLEASE dear God, say I'm reading his signs correctly.**  
  
"I...Thought you needed some time to relax, and that would be best obtained without me around." John feels his growing discomfort and hopes it isn't blatantly obvious to her.  
  
I really want to make love with her, but I know she'll regret it, or everything will feel awkward later.  
  
"CJ, stop for one minute, okay?" John sighs, afraid of her reaction to his request.  
  
**Fuck, I must have really messed up reading the signals.**  
  
"Okay, maybe I should just leave now," she says, trying to mask her embarrassment. As she walks through the bathroom door, buttoning her blouse, she fights the tears that threaten to spill.  
  
"No," John exclaims, grabbing her arm.  
  
You are not walking out on me now...  
  
"Then you're going to have to explain what the fuck it is you DO want," CJ practically spits. "Telling me to stop, and not to walk away?"  
  
"God, what am I doing to you?" John pulls her body tightly to his and waits to feel her fingertips pressing into his back. "I care about you-so much it drives me crazy when we're not together-but I know you're not ready to take the next step in our relationship. I..." Searching her eyes for some clue of what she's thinking. "I...want us to take our time getting...there."  
  
She can't find the words she feels he deserves-especially after his confession. "What makes you think that I'm not ready?"  
  
"Because, I am willing to throw caution to the wind and decide that whoever finds out finds out. It's hard enough to be away from you now, but if we make love, I'm never going to be able to let you go."  
  
Silently, CJ takes his hand and leads him back into the bathroom. "Alright, so we're not ready for sex, but do you think we can handle being together in different ways?" She feels like an awkward teenager, not quite ready to lose her virginity, but tired of never getting passed the petting stage.  
  
"Do I dare ask?"  
  
"Take the bath with me," she offers quickly, hoping that her confidence won't give out before she can finish her argument. "Why shouldn't we? It gives us a chance to be together, and to enjoy each other's company, and it is also relaxing. Come on, you know you want to..." CJ grins coyly, pulling her blouse over her shoulders and letting it fall to the ground. "I think it's your turn to lose an article of clothing."  
  
"I thought you understood that we weren't going to..." His hands flail in gestures in front of his body, and he tries to bring himself back down to earth. Nothing had quite prepared him for the sight of CJ in front of him, in only her bra and jeans.  
  
"We're not going to make love-we're going to take a bath together. There's a difference."  
  
She pulls his dress shirt over his shoulders, and then teasingly runs her fingers over the undershirt he's wearing. When he doesn't say anything, she plays with the band on it and begins to pull it up over him as well. She pauses to look at him, and admire him. She has never seen him without a shirt on, but he is in amazing shape.  
  
"You're turn, right CJ? I mean, it's not my game, but I'm pretty sure I understand the rules now-I'm down two articles of clothing, and you're only down one." John doesn't remember when he decided to play along with her game, but he is ready to risk whatever could happen between them.  
  
I know I love her, and this isn't going to change anything for the worse, is it? I never want to let go of her, as is, so how could this make things any more difficult? And we deserve to have some fun. Besides...John, stop analysing it all the time. Enjoy the company of this amazing, beautiful woman!  
  
CJ smiles as she unzips her jeans and pulls them over her hips, and then her legs, dropping them to a heap on the floor. Stepping out of them, she watches as his eyes travel over her body.  
  
**I'm not nervous at all. I don't understand why-well, we aren't going to have sex, so maybe that's it-but I'm still half naked in front of him. Then again, he's gonna be able to see all of me. I should be nervous.**  
  
Her hands find their way to his zipper and unconsciously drag them over his body. "We really have to hurry up and get in the tub, 'cause it's getting a little cold out here, don't you think?" She closes her eyes as his hands pull her closer to him and he unclasps her bra, letting the lace fall from her body. Allowing his hands to travel the length of her body, he tugs her panties down over her hips and drops them to the cold ceramic tile. He appraises her body, wishing they hadn't agreed not to make love.  
  
I have never seen anything more beautiful than she is right now! She's perfect.  
  
**Why does my mind choose this moment, when I'm standing naked in front of him, to remind me that I'm not twenty anymore. I was fine until one second ago, when my age started flashing before my eyes. At least I'm not so abnormal now that I'm nervous, but Jesus, now I'm wondering how saggy my boobs look from his angle.**  
  
The stream of consciousness that plagues her distracts CJ from what John's doing-taking off his black boxer-briefs-and makes her skin flush from embarrassment.  
  
**What were you thinking? The candles have got to help more than neon lighting would, but God, this is horrible.**  
  
Silently, he takes her hands and leads her to the tub. When she seems more reluctant than she had, John pauses and takes her face in his hands.  
  
"Are we moving too fast? We can stop-I mean, I don't have to be here for your bath." John winces, realizing that she still has a chance to back out.  
  
"No! I don't want to...stop, that is...It's just that..." She runs her hands over his hips, finally realizing that they're both naked. "I'm feeling a little..." Sighing, CJ focuses on his deep blue eyes and waits until she feels like she can breathe again. "I'm feeling more than a little self conscious right now, and I guess that's making me nervous."  
  
"Self conscious? Why the hell should you be self conscious? You are so beautiful CJ; I can't even begin to describe you."  
  
"But I'm not young any more. Gravity hasn't necessarily...Look, the point is, I feel a little more aware of certain physical attributes at this very moment than I would have liked." CJ pulls away from him, and sits on the toilet seat, drawing her knees to her chest.  
  
"What is it? What's making you so self-critical? I haven't noticed anything about you that isn't perfect." Kneeling in front of her, he rests his hands on her knees, and rubs her thighs gently.  
  
"I sound so...Pathetic."  
  
"Hardly, you sound like someone who is nervous about something. About what, I don't know," John whispers in her ear, as if it was a secret. "CJ, can I tell you something?"  
  
"Of course," she replies almost inaudibly, still trying to avoid looking in his eyes.  
  
"I've never seen anyone as beautiful as you are-in and out of clothes, in character and body. You take my breath away, and you have since we first met." Standing up, John's hands release the soft skin he found on her thighs and lowers himself into the bathtub, looking at her and reaching out his hand.  
  
At first reluctant, and then comforted by his words, CJ raises herself off the toilet seat and takes his hand, letting herself sink into the warm water.  
  
"The water," John teases, "was a lot warmer when you first came in here-we can fix that if you'd like."  
  
This is more natural than I thought-I don't feel like we're new to intimacy. I feel like we've been together forever. We should have been.  
  
"No, don't change anything. Just wrap your arms around me, and this is perfect, okay?" CJ closes her eyes and leans against him, basking in the warmth of his body.  
  
As his arms snake around her waist, he caresses her abdomen and listens as her breath catches in her throat.  
  
"Can we stay like this forever? Please?" John practically begs her, hoping that she'll soon come around and agree that they should just be together, regardless of consequences.  
  
"Mmm...," CJ mumbles. "I would love to, but I can think of so many more things I would like to do with you once this election is over." Her hand runs over his knee, letting her nails scrape along the skin that's resting just above the water.  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"If we have that conversation, we will very quickly lose the battle to keep this platonic-not that this is really platonic, but.God, I'm rambling. Shoot me now!" Her chuckle is a relief for John. Things had been all too nerve-wrecking for a while there, and now that CJ is feeling better, John is as well.  
  
"I think it's cute-how you get all flustered and ramble on sometimes and how you let yourself get all worked up over every little thing." The water makes their flesh all the more slick, and when he slides his hands further up her abdomen, the lack of friction incites a surge of electricity through them.  
  
"I want to know everything about you," he says spontaneously.  
  
"We're not playing that game again, are we? That twenty questions thing, that goes on all night?" CJ rests her head on his shoulder, her eyes still firmly shut, enjoying the soft kisses he peppers on her neck and his grasp on her body.  
  
"Yep. I get to call the shots, since I planned this," his breath on her neck is hot and CJ feels a sudden urge to go along with his idea.  
  
**It's being this close to you. It's being in your arms. God, I just want us to be together, but we can't. I know I'd fall even more in love with you and not being able to be with you all the time would kill me. I can't do anything more than just being near you for now. For now.**  
  
"First question."  
  
17________  
  
There's a soft humming that draws her down the hallways of her house, first pulling her up the flight of steps and then enticing her to the guest room. The door is decorated in soft pastel coloured bears, welcoming her.  
  
When CJ pushes the door open, she notices a brilliant platinum ring on her left hand. It's on my fourth finger, she notes, before realizing that it is the most exquisite diamond wedding band she has ever seen. There is a surge of electricity that makes its way through her body and motivates her to keep exploring the once familiar room.  
  
Walking in to the room, she is greeted by balloon bouquets and cards on mantels, as well as a beautiful toy box that stands in the corner shrouded by bears and large stuffed animals. The room, which was once a cream coloured, is a true yellow with Peter Rabbit boarders and Oak furniture.  
  
**A nursery. My dream nursery.**  
  
She gravitates to the gentle sway of the rocking chair and the source of the soft humming.  
  
**I recognize the song.It's.The Battle Hymn of the Republic? Normally it would be funny, but there's something soothing about the voice humming it, and the tempo of the song.**  
  
Looking over the back of the chair, and then the shoulder of her dream lover, CJ sees the most beautiful baby wrapped in soft pink and blue blankets, cradled in his arms. A tuft of dark downy hair lies flat upon its head, the baby's eyes closed.  
  
There aren't any words exchanged. Instead there is an intense connection between her and John. She knows that they share something, but the fact that the baby is theirs seems like such a far off possibility.  
  
In the instant John places the little bundle in her arms, she can feel this warmth in her stomach, and an indescribable bond. The baby's eyes gently open, staring up at CJ. Leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to the baby's forehead, she feels overwhelmed.  
  
**This is what I want. I want this man, and this ring. And this baby. I want it all. I want us to have everything in our very own shade of perfect. I want to be able to buy the cute little clothes, and be the cool mom, instead of just the cool aunt. I want to come home to someone every day-someone who treats me as wonderfully as John. No, not just someone. I want him. I want the guy who stays up all night talking, takes platonic bubble baths, and can make me feel like a million bucks even when I look hideous.**  
  
John gazes down at their baby, totally consumed by the tiny little being in front of them both. And when CJ places the baby back in the bassinet, she takes his hand and walks down the hallways to their bedroom.  
  
**No denying it CJ, this is what you want. This is your dream life-what you've wanted for ever.**  
  
Pressing her body against the bed, she sucks in her breath while his body pushes down on hers.  
  
**This is.**  
  
When the alarm clock rings, CJ moans in dismay, disappointed that she has to move from her warm position against John's chest and wake from her dream. When his arm lifts from its place around her waist where his fingers splayed across her stomach, to turn of the alarm, she winces at the loss of contact.  
  
"No, come back!" CJ mock yells, wishing that they could just go back ten minutes to the peaceful sleep she was enjoying, wrapped in his arms. "We don't have to be us, campaigning and sleeping alone."  
  
Rolling on to her other side to face John, she cuddles into his chest, allowing her fingers to travel the skin. John's arms pull her into a tight embrace, locking their two naked bodies tightly together.  
  
"I have to admit, it is wonderful to wake up like this, in each other's arms. I could get used to it." John grins, letting himself remember the dreams he's had in the past, of waking up with CJ at different stages of their lives together-first making love, then the first time they sleep in their bed together as husband and wife.then there were the dreams that didn't account for real life-waking up after making love all night long, celebrating the news of CJ's pregnancy, or the first morning that their little girl would come running into the bedroom.  
  
"And you're good for my dreams," CJ smiles as she runs her hand over his exposed hip bone. "I haven't ever had such wonderful dreams as I am now," she adds. "There's no doubt that you have been good for me."  
  
"What do you dream about?" Leaning in to kiss her, John stops when his nose is barely touching hers. "I wonder if we are having the same dreams.." Letting his lips find hers, he enjoys the taste of her on his lips. "There's something to be said for being able to do that as soon as I wake up."  
  
"I dream about everything. About." smiling, CJ considers telling him the truth but also considers the consequences. How well would he be able to handle the idea of them married, with a baby? Most guys would run screaming at the idea of either of those options independently, never mind the fact that she wants both. Then again, John's not most guys. Finally, considering the fact that they haven't even made love yet, CJ decides that for now at least, less is more. "Everything. Let's leave it at that, okay?"  
  
"I'm glad you came over last night," John grins, "I had the best time of my life."  
  
"Ya know," CJ teases playfully, "I don't usually hear that unless sex was involved.Because I'm SO great in bed. I don't know if you've heard that yet?" Her leg wraps around his hip, brushing against his erection, and wishing she could convince him to make love to her.  
  
A mumbled groan escapes his lips, before he realizes how uncomfortable he is. "Oh, CJ, you really shouldn't do that.I'm weak-I'm just a man," he adds for dramatic effect, sure that his disposition is definitely obvious to her.  
  
"I know, and to think, I'm okay with that." Untangling her leg from around his hip, she lays back on the bed, the blanket barely covering the smooth creamy peaks of her breasts. She begins to speak, hesitating, as if to debate the merit of what she is about to say. Finally, CJ decides she has to say what she's been thinking for what feels like forever. "If everything is this perfect now, what will happen when we tell everyone or when we finally make love?"  
  
**This anxiety has to end. I can't deal with it hovering over us. One minute, everything is wonderful and I am the luckiest woman alive, with an amazing, dare I say, boyfriend, and the next, I'm single CJ Cregg. It's like a bad superhero comic strip, except that I never save the world, and my superpowers can't be put to use-yet.**  
  
"We'll make sure that everything is just as perfect if not more so-you'll still have me, and I will still have you. That's all that really matters, right? And, most importantly, I know that we'll both feel better about this relationship once we can spend time together without hiding." Leaning on his arm, he looks down on her and watches as she smiles back at him.  
  
This will work out-I know it, because I've never wanted to do so many things, just to make someone happy. You are the only one that I've ever felt like this about.  
  
  
  
18 ________  
  
CJ settles into her bed, watching CNN one last time before she gives into the sleep that she craves. It had been a typically hectic day, although no more so than usual, and at 12:30 am, she notices that she's too tired to fall asleep.  
  
**Never fails. I've got to get up in five and a half hours, and I don't know if I could sleep, even if I could motivate myself to reach for the remote and turn off the television.**  
  
The phone rings sending her into crisis mode. It's rarely something good at this hour of the morning, and after the absolutely heinous day she's had, she doubts this could be the exception.  
  
**No more crises today. Please, dear God, no more.**  
  
"Hello," she flatly says into the telephone, praying for a wrong number.  
  
"It's a bad time, isn't it?" His voice sounds apologetic and full of regret. "I didn't mean to wake you."  
  
"John?"  
  
"Only if you aren't pissed at me. If you are, this uh, is a wrong number. Yeah."  
  
Laughing, CJ feels mildly better. "You're a goofball, you know that?"  
  
"Does that mean you're not going to have me killed?"  
  
"The secret service might be pissed at me if and I know how well they shoot, so I'm thinking that's one chance I don't want to take." Leaning into her pillow, CJ smiles into the phone. This is the best way she could imagine to end her day.  
  
"Good to know that's all that's stopping you," he teases. "So you don't hate me for calling?"  
  
"Hardly. How was your day?" Pulling the duvet up around her neck and turning off the television, CJ settles in to listen to his voice.  
  
"It was.Pretty dull, overall. Lots of conversations about my affiliations with big oil. I got a postcard from my sister. My nephew just started baseball."  
  
"You're pretty proud of him, aren't you?" CJ can hear how happy he is to discuss his nephew.  
  
"Yeah, well he's seven now. I'm starting to pull together the best junior high kids to plan his Presidential campaign. I've got this one girl in Wisconsin who feels that she can pull together a pretty strong campaign for David."  
  
"The scary thing is that I'm not sure if I should take that as a joke, or seriousness. Then again, either way I guess you can't be faulted." Laughing, she wonders what he would be like with a child of his own.  
  
**He'd be amazing, I know. I think he'd be a doting dad.**  
  
"Well, I need to be able to contribute to his campaign, so I've got to start saving my money, and scouting a good senior staff." He looks around his room, admiring the photos of his sister and her son at various stages during the past.  
  
"Why didn't you get married?" CJ blurts, without thinking about his response.  
  
"Well, and here I thought you'd be stepping up as Press Secretary on David's campaign." He sighs, having been anticipating this question for awhile. "Why didn't you get married?"  
  
"Sure, turn it around on me. Make me answer my own question."  
  
"Yeah, well if you do, I will."  
  
"I didn't find the right man. I thought I did, and then he married someone else. Not happily mind you, but seeing him married was enough to make me realize that wasn't me. At least, not with him." CJ sighs.  
  
"How long were you in love with Toby?" John poses his question as if it were a common knowledge situation.  
  
"How.?" she asks, stunned. "Until I met another man, who made me think that he was perfect for me."  
  
"And was he?" John enquires inquisitively.  
  
"I don't know, are you?"  
  
This is looking up-we're discussing marriage, and she's not screaming at me.  
  
**I feel like I've just proposed to him.**  
  
"I don't know. That's your decision. I didn't get married," he continues, hoping she doesn't misconstrue what he said. "I didn't get married because I couldn't find the right woman who made me want to travel to the ends of the earth for her."  
  
"So you think that you'll never get married?" She feels guilty for digging, but a part of her wonders if ever they could be more serious if the circumstances were different.  
  
"I think I've found her, if that's what you're asking, but I don't know if we're going to march down any aisles anytime soon. I'm not even allowed to take her out in public." He sighs inwardly, afraid that they will never get beyond late night telephone calls and stolen moments.  
  
I would marry you tomorrow CJ, but you know that you're not ready, so why are we playing these games?  
  
"I think I'd like to get married someday," she casually remarks. "I want to be able to wake up with someone I love everyday and I want to go to bed with someone I love every night. Do you think I'm selfish?"  
  
"Hardly. I think you're perfect."  
  
"I kind of wish I had a baby too," she says, digging to hear what he thinks.  
  
"Children are the most perfect little beings, aren't they? I love my nephew so much-that's my big regret," he asserts, scared of how honest they're being. Random conversation is one thing, but this is blatant confessionary.  
  
"I think that's a part of my big regret. Not getting married, and not having children. I'm not sure what kind of mother I'd be. I work too much, and don't put enough time into my personal life." It seems like a new idea-being this honest with one another. CJ is unaccustomed to the untainted, unguarded truth like they are sharing.  
  
"You'd be wonderful, I know it. You only prioritize work so highly because you haven't got anything else in your life right now."  
  
Shit, that seems just a bit too honest!  
  
"You're right, but would I know how to change my lifestyle? I don't think I would know how to work eight hour days, and then go home and cook dinner and clean a house. I'm not sure I'd be very good with bath time, or story time."  
  
"You would be great, I know it." John doesn't feel like he's lying to her. It's a gut instinct.  
  
"Yeah, right. And you would know this how?" she asks, a little too bitterly.  
  
"Because I've seen you with the children we encounter on the campaign, and you work so well with them. And there are the times that you wrangle the press corps back into submission when they're being particularly unyielding. And I know for a fact that you are magnificent with bath times. We'd just have to modify your technique a bit."  
  
Shit, I said we. Like me, and her. Like we. Not what I should have said. It's the last thing she will want to hear.  
  
"I guess so.Changing topics. What are you doing tomorrow? What are your plans?" CJ sighs, wanting to be free of all the stress and urges that she has been struggling with so frequently recently.  
  
**Nothing can happen yet, so why even torture myself. When I finally can act on all of this, I'll be too old to have a child, so what does it matter?**  
  
"I've got a billion meetings with senators and a couple of sports teams coming in to harass me for a bit."  
  
We made progress, and then I scared her. It never fails John, could you try to not fuck this up?  
  
"I have some meetings about the campaign, and then lunch with the boys to figure out how we're going to handle the newest attacks from the Ritchie camp."  
  
"Sounds fascinating," John teases.  
  
"Oh, more than words. I miss you," she adds, wanting to make sure he knows how much he means to her.  
  
"I miss you too. Maybe we can get together sometime tomorrow. You know, if I can escape the kids with hockey sticks, and you can escape Josh and his pudding."  
  
"Yeah, that would be really nice. Call Carol and set up something if you get a chance. Good night," she breathes into the telephone.  
  
"Goodnight, Claudia Jean," closing his eyes, and envisioning how she might be at that very moment.  
  
Hanging up the phone, CJ closes her eyes and imagines what they might be doing in four years time. Would they be together? Would they be married, or would they have gone their separate ways?  
  
Slowly, as she considers what the future holds for them, CJ falls into a deep sleep full of dreams, in which he joins her.  
  
19___________ "Why don't you come out to dinner with me?" John asks, half hoping that CJ will invite him back to her place finally. This thing between them had only been going on for just over three months, and although he didn't want to push CJ too far before she was ready, there was this overwhelming urge to be closer to her than she was allowing.  
  
"Because we have jobs to do, and we're trying to be discreet until after the re-election." Smiling, CJ moves forward in her chair, knowing that between the low cut of her silk tank top and the angle at which she is sitting, John will be easily distracted from the conversation at hand.  
  
"You don't play fair!" John feels his eyes being drawn down the silk as he speaks, realizing her tactics. His face blushes crimson while his mind wanders.  
  
If she has this much control over me and we haven't even made it to having sex yet, what will it be like after we have? Oh God, I'm already thinking about that stage in our relationship and we can't even go out in public together yet. Jesus, John, smarten up!  
  
**I love how easy it is to fluster him. It's better than Christmas!**  
  
"Why should I play fair when you offer invitations that you know I can't take you up on? Do you think that's playing fairly, because I most definitely don't." Sliding a little further forward in her chair, CJ watches as John shifts back and forth, trying to be discreet about his growing discomfort. "Mr. Vice President, you look a little uncomfortable. What's wrong?"  
  
"CJ, it's not fair to use the fact that you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met to your advantage." Sighing, he stops shifting long enough to conjure a plan.  
  
I can try, and if I fail miserably, then she'll say no, I'll laugh and pretend all is good, and we'll move on. It's not like making the suggestion will be the end of us. Okay, courage John, that's all you need. Nothing but courage. A whole lot of courage.  
  
"Most beautiful, huh?"  
  
"Oh, by a long shot. There's no one in even near competition to you."  
  
"Hmm," CJ says with a sense of finality that worries John.  
  
"Hmm, what?"  
  
"Being told of my magnificent beauty," CJ begins teasingly, "would normally have gotten you somewhere, but for some reason, I'm not quite as easily swooned as I normally am." CJ stands up and walks around her desk to sit on the couch to John's left. "Oh, yeah, I remember why it's not working for you..."  
  
John draws a breath, waiting for a giant anvil to fall on his head, feeling oddly reminiscent of Roger Rabbit in that movie he saw with his nieces a lifetime ago.  
  
CJ is most definitely my Jessica Rabbit. Of course, then I'm the dork in the bowtie. Oh, but that's who I am compared to her. What's next? A steam roller and some strange gadgets from ACME?  
  
"Why," John asks, feeling as though he's taking the bait, "does it not work for me?"  
  
"Because, Mr. Vice President, until after the election, you are still Vice President Hoynes, and I am still CJ Cregg, Press Secretary extraordinaire." Patting the seat beside her, CJ waits for John to join her. "And no matter what, we still have these little meetings. You know strategy meetings and conferences."  
  
"I suppose," John adds, allowing his hand to brush over her knee and entangle itself with her hand. "But I would much rather have some time with you alone, when we don't need to fiend work. A long lunch at the house, or a walk somewhere nice. Anything to be able to be seen with you."  
  
"Shit," CJ exclaims, her expression not giving away any details of how she feels.  
  
Pulling his hand from hers quickly, John searches her face for an explanation. "What? What did I do?"  
  
"Nothing," CJ admits hesitantly, "but when you're so sweet, it's hard for me to stick to my guns. I just want to say 'let's go home' and walk out of here."  
  
There is something to the fragility in her voice and the honesty that makes John want to take her in his arms. The more logical part of him stops him from doing something that she may regret, and he waits for her to continue.  
  
"We really shouldn't do anything that will get us into trouble. The more risks we take, the greater the odds are of us getting caught."  
  
"Is it bad to want to take that chance?"  
  
An awkward silence elapses before either one moves, neither quite sure of the appropriate answer. First instinct is to refrain from answering, but neither wants to leave anything unsaid.  
  
"I don't think it's bad," John continues, breaking the silence. "I think that it's only human to want to spend time with someone you care about, and I think that we deserve happiness."  
  
"You don't think I'm denying you happiness, do you?" CJ frowns as she watches him consider his words carefully. "I wouldn't ever do that. That's what I'm trying to prevent. After this next term, there is every possibility of you becoming President, and I want you to use all of your assets to your advantage. Us being together now might end that all for you." John watches her for a moment, obviously torn between giving in and fighting harder.  
  
If I let her give up now, I know this will be over, and that's the last thing I want.  
  
"You know that I don't want to do this without you, right? I mean, it's not like this is just a diversion for me." Leaning further in towards her, John waits anxiously for her answer.  
  
**Unless you decide you don't want me.**  
  
"CJ, you have to say something."  
  
Is she telling me that she wants out? She's giving me these insane signals and I swear, I can't handle much more of this guessing.  
  
"Fine. I don't want you to...I don't want you to hate me, and if this gets out before the right time, this could be disastrous." CJ closes her eyes and rubs her temples swallowing back tears.  
  
"I would never, EVER be able to hate you! God CJ, where the hell do get the idea that I could ever hate you. Christ! I LOVE you, and this is killing me!" John jumps to his feet and paces to the door.  
  
I can't play the games...She and I need to get past what our jobs are.  
  
**Did he just...**  
  
"Did you just say...?" CJ stares at him in shock.  
  
**No, I must have misheard him. I just want to hear him say that. Or do I? If he says it to me, I'm going to need to answer him. What would my answer be?**  
  
"What? Did I just say what?"  
  
"Nothing. I just...I thought you said something." CJ fights back her tears, thinking she must have been imagining what she thought she had heard.  
  
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just told you that I love you. My mistake, I guess." Opening the door, John looks out into the hallway, seeing the staff run around frazzled, as if nothing were happening.  
  
Apparently nothing is happening.  
  
"John," CJ practically cries, stopping herself, realizing the door is open. "Mr...Mr...Vice-President," she corrects, trying to level her voice.  
  
Closing the door over, John leans against the frame, giving her a minute to compose herself. When she doesn't speak, he walks over to her and kneels in front of her. Taking her hand in his, he catches his breath.  
  
I hate watching her cry. I hate seeing her like this, and if this is what I'm doing to her, I can't keep doing it.  
  
"I love you CJ, SO much, but I am not going to do this to us. I won't. I can't be in this relationship alone, and I don't want you to hate me, so I'm going to walk away." John watches the shock on CJ's face, trying not to let it all register with him until he gets back to his office. "I do love you, Claudia. A lot." John softly kisses her lips, and then pulls away, wishing he couldn't feel her long fingers on his neck, so hot that they practically burn him.  
  
  
  
Walking out the door, he doesn't look back, afraid of how he'll react. He plans his escape to the OEOB, praying that it isn't going to always hurt as much as it does right now.  
  
20_____  
  
Staggering into her office after the last briefing of the day, CJ collapses into her chair.  
  
**This has been a hideous week, and it's not showing any signs of getting better.**  
  
"Here are your messages, boss-I've set up that appointment with the Vice President for 7:15 as you requested, and otherwise I have." Carol continues to list the things she's arranged for CJ.  
  
"Back up" CJ says, realizing what her assistant had just said. "When did I request a meeting with the Vice President?"  
  
"Last week-you said that by this point you'd have some projections for him." Carol looks stunned by her boss' forgetfulness.  
  
**Well, my projections sure as hell weren't work related and they definitely don't apply now. This was supposed to be an anniversary celebration and now that we're not together.**  
  
"Cancel the meeting," CJ abruptly tells her assistant. "I, uh, haven't pulled together enough information to make it beneficial to either of us."  
  
"I can stay a little bit and."  
  
**God, why must you be such a perfect assistant?**  
  
"No, really, it's okay-just cancel the meeting. I have too much to catch up on right now. It would seem that.Jesus, I'm rambling. The point is that I don't have time, okay?" Burying herself in her folders, CJ doesn't acknowledge her assistant's stunned glare.  
  
When the door closes, CJ feels like she can breathe again. She didn't cry in front of Carol, she reminds herself, noting that spontaneous tears have been her greatest fear.  
  
**It won't always be this hard. It's only hurts so much because he walked out on me, and I've been horny since this administration took office. If we'd had sex, I could chalk it up to another Mr. Wrong and get over it.**  
  
Frowning at her thoughts, CJ can't help but wonder what John is thinking about at that precise moment. Is he missing her as well or is he trying to find things to occupy his time?  
  
**Is it wrong to hope that he'll come around after the election? Yes, CJ, yes it is a bad plan. You just need to move on and eventually the right man will come around.**  
  
"I've only been waiting for forty-two years, what's a few more?"  
  
Knee deep in folders and briefing memos, CJ tries to distract herself from thinking about John.  
  
"You cancelled our meeting.I was wondering if you were okay." John leans into the doorframe, trying to look professional, but comfortable. Silently he knows that being this close to CJ and not being able to touch her is killing him.  
  
"I'm fine," she spits, unsure if she can handle being in his presence under the circumstances. "I cancelled because there was no longer a need for us to meet." Her words aren't totally untrue-now that they aren't a couple, there's no need for an anniversary celebration.  
  
"Oh." John tries to hide his disappointment-when he first saw the meeting with CJ on his schedule, he had hoped that it was to work through their problems. When Janine told him that the meeting was cancelled, John tried to bite back his regret.  
  
They both look at each other trying to discretely memorize every detail of the other, afraid of how long it might be before they really get to see each other (without a presidential press corps).  
  
"Okay then, I guess I'll be going home then." John pulls himself away from the door, but is unable to will his feet any further away.  
  
"Alright. Have a good night." CJ looks down at her folders once again, until she gives in to impulse. "John.I'm sorry, Mr Vice President," she emphasizes, "I just want you to know that I'm not avoiding you."  
  
"I didn't think you were," he covers, hoping she can't see how much he misses her.  
  
"Okay, just making sure," CJ says, looking down at her folder.  
  
"Yeah," he agrees, not wanting to leave her.  
  
As he walks through the halls of the West Wing, he feels his heart breaking a million times over, and were he to turn around, he would have found the stoic Press Secretary crying.  
  
21_________  
  
"No Susanne, the woman I was seeing.It didn't work out. I want you to come with me tomorrow night." John sighs, wishing he didn't have to make this phone call.  
  
"When you say didn't work out, you mean, you tried and things didn't work, or you were your typical difficult self and didn't try hard enough?" As his younger sister, Suzanne took it upon herself to keep her brother in line.  
  
Do I really want to explain this to her? No. No, I don't.  
  
"Susanne, I love that you're trying."  
  
"I'll fly in tomorrow afternoon, but when I get there, I want details," she says breezily, hoping he won't argue.  
  
"Are you bringing Alexander?"  
  
"Yeah, he'll be happy to see you."  
  
@@@@  
  
"You and I are going to this fundraiser together, right CJ? You're not going to dump me for the Vice President?" Toby asks bitterly, still traumatized from the State dinner, apparently not long enough ago for him to have forgotten.  
  
"You are my date, Pokey, and no I'm not dumping you." CJ scratches notes on to her legal pad, wishing he hadn't mentioned John.  
  
**Goal of getting through the day without thinking about him once: failed, again. At least this time I can blame Toby. He brought him up. Then again, I'm the one still thinking about him. Hell, CJ, stop it!**  
  
There is a long silence between them as she continues to jot random thoughts down on her notebook, and Toby looks over a speech in his hands.  
  
"Sam needs to learn the purpose of adjectives, and to use them less frequently," Toby says, his eyes downcast as he speaks. There was something about looking at CJ during the past few weeks that made him uncomfortable.  
  
CJ had been more reserved than normal, and quieter. Instead of being the lively, vivacious woman she had been during the previous months, she was withdrawn and seemingly sad.  
  
But asking CJ what was wrong didn't seem like an option either. He couldn't bring himself to ask her the questions he was sure needed to be asked. Who was the man that broke her heart, and why did she seem so tormented by it?  
  
"Pokey, you can leave now," CJ laughs. "I've said I'm going with you, and I won't renege, so go away and let me get some work done, okay?"  
  
Toby just smiles, still lacking in courage, and pulls himself to his feet. "If you want to talk," he stumbles, "I'm always here, and you know that, right?"  
  
"Yeah, thanks Pokey." Looking over the rim of her glasses, CJ looks back up at him.  
  
**Am I that obvious? Nah, it's just because I've known Toby forever.**  
  
@@@  
  
For some reason, every fundraiser reminds CJ of the State Dinner, and going on John's arm. Granted, many of the players are all the same, except this time everyone has their cheque books on hand.  
  
CJ developed a plan to avoid unwanted contact with the Vice President. She would try to observe where he was, she decided, and go in the opposite direction.  
  
It seemed like a valid plan.  
  
After dinner is served, CJ finds herself wandering around the room, schmoozing established contributors. Forcing a laugh at a particularly bad joke about cartography, CJ takes a swig of her champagne, only to notice the Vice President standing not ten feet away. An incredibly attractive brunette has linked her arm through his, and the dress she's wearing-a black formfitting gown-leaves little of her figure to the imagination.  
  
**God! Has he moved on fast enough? It's been three weeks since he walked out on me, and he's already found a bimbo? Well that should clear things up-why am I still head over heels for him? No more. No. Christ, why can't I convince myself?**  
  
Trying to discreetly angle her body behind the congressman to whom she's speaking, CJ watches as John and his date turn, and walk in her direction. Suddenly, she's face to face with them.  
  
**Damn it!**  
  
Be strong-don't tell her how much you've missed her. Not here, not now. Probably not ever.  
  
"Good evening Claudia Jean," he tries not to show any emotion in his words. He fails.  
  
"Good evening Mr. Vice President."  
  
**Now what do I say? 'Hi, who is this attractive young woman you're toting around like a cheap accessory?'**  
  
"You look wonderful tonight," he adds.  
  
Oh, how wonderful you look. I've missed you.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
**Help! I just want to kiss him, now!**  
  
"Hi," Susanne says, offering her hand to CJ. "I'm Susanne."  
  
**Oh, she speaks-Malibu Stacy speaks!**  
  
"CJ Cregg." Shaking the pro-offered hand, CJ fights back the urge to rip the Susanne's arm from her body and beat her over the head with the bloody limb.  
  
"How wonderful to meet you. That's why you look familiar-you're President Bartlet's Press Secretary." Susanne smiles genuinely, picking up on the awkwardness between CJ and John. "I'm John's sister," she finally clears up.  
  
**SISTER! Okay, I can play nice now.**  
  
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm getting tired and I guess I am falling behind on introductions." John stares at CJ, her dress incredibly low cut and form fitting. He remembers how he held her in his arms and wonders if he ever will again.  
  
Knock it off, now, before you draw anymore attention to yourself.  
  
"Yes, well, it's been a long campaign so far, hasn't it?" CJ laughs nervously. "If you'll excuse me, I have to find my date, and I need to get another drink." She looks over John one more time, making a mental note of how wonderful he looks in a tux. "Nice to meet you Susanne."  
  
Before another word can be said, CJ makes her way across the room and exchanges her empty glass for a full one.  
  
"Pokey!" she exclaims as she spots him standing awkwardly in the corner. "Let's dance." Dragging him on to the dance floor, she begins to sway to the music, wishing it were John in her arms.  
  
@@@  
  
"Is Alex asleep," John asks, as Susanne re-enters the room. It was a long night and they are both tired of smiling.  
  
"Yeah, you wore him out. Who knew that you two could have so much fun playing baseball in the dark?" Susanne slides down into the chair across from him.  
  
"It's fun. Don't knock it 'til you try it," John laughs. "Besides, he says he wants to play professionally. I'm just helping him train."  
  
"I'm sure you are." There is an awkward silence in the room. "Who was she? Who broke your heart?"  
  
"What do you mean?" John wishes he didn't have to have this conversation with her. He had always been able to confide in her, and why should now be any different.  
  
I trust Susanne. Why can't I tell her about CJ? Because. Easy answer. Just because. Because it's all still new, because I feel silly falling so deeply in love with someone so fast. Because. She won't listen to because. Susanne will make me tell her more.  
  
"Okay, let me rephrase that, since you aren't going to be forth coming with any information about her. When did you and CJ break up?"  
  
John just stares at his little sister in awe. How did she pick up on John's feelings for CJ? He had repressed them all night long, only stealing a couple of longing glances when he was certain nobody was paying any attention.  
  
"We weren't really a couple."  
  
"Spill big bro, before I go to her and find out." Susanne waits patiently for John to begin, knowing he's just trying to formulate his answer in his head.  
  
This is it. I guess I finally get to tell someone about me and CJ. This is going to be a long night.  
  
22__________ "CJ, Leo wants to see you in his office-he's called an emergency staff." Carol, who ducked her head around the corner, stares at her boss. "CJ? Did you hear me?"  
  
"Sorry, day dreaming I guess." CJ forces a smile. It's not totally untrue.  
  
**I can't believe I was jealous. I can't believe that we went to that stupid fundraiser and I was jealous.**  
  
She had been caught up on it for the past week-all the stress of the daily work world should have been distracting enough for her, but CJ has been all but distracted.  
  
Filing into the Oval office, CJ feels a strange tension that she has only experienced once before. It's the same feeling she had in Rosslyn, when the first shot rang out, when the mysterious person pushed her to the ground. Sam didn't want her to feel beholden to him, she reminds herself, momentarily letting whatever has just happened slip from her stream of consciousness.  
  
"Leo, what's going on? I've never seen you so quiet." Josh is typically inept, sitting down casually on the arm of the sofa, before remembering that he is in the Oval office. Sliding down on to the couch seat, he watches as his friends settle.  
  
"There was an assassination attempt, a few minutes ago. A gunman opened fire at the Vice President's speech in Georgetown, hitting two secret service agents, and the Vice President." Leo allows himself to glance over the faces of Toby, Sam and Josh, but cannot bring himself to look at her, sure that this news would be ripping her apart, and despite his urge to reach out to CJ, he knows what.no, who, she really wants.  
  
"What's their status?" Sam's inquiry breaks through the wall CJ began building the moment Leo told them of the attempt, suddenly capturing her attention.  
  
"One of the Agents died at the scene, the other is in critical condition. All I know about the Vice-President is that he was en-route to the hospital, and in need of a blood transfusion." Leo leans against his desk, and finally looks at CJ. Her face is pale, drained of all colour, and she doesn't move. She's fighting tears, he guesses.  
  
**I have to get out of here. I have to go see him, and I have to do it now.**  
  
"So CJ will brief the press, letting them know just what we know, and offering the appropriate sentiments to everyone's families. I will draft a response for the President to read," Sam offers, unwittingly.  
  
"No," CJ says, point blank. "I can't do the briefing. I have to.Leo?" A sensation of nausea sweeps over her as she imagines John laying on a gurney on the way to a hospital, alone.  
  
"No, we'll send Sam up there, and Toby can write the statement. CJ, it's your call what you want to do." Jed's interruption surprises the men sitting lined on the couch, who all seem oblivious to CJ's pain.  
  
"Get lost-you've got things to do. CJ, I want you to stick around for a minute." CJ still hasn't moved, despite the President's order, shocked at what she has been told. Watching the men march out of the office, stunned, she tries not to cry.  
  
**I hate this. What the hell happened? When will someone be able to tell me he's okay?**  
  
"CJ," Jed begins, "I know you and John had a relationship, and I know that it's over now. I don't know why, nor do I think I deserve to know why, but I can tell that being apart is not what either of you wanted. He's been miserable, you've been miserable." His pause is like an offering, begging her to tell him the story, and willing her to finally admit what happened. "If it's about anything other than you wanting to be with him, or him wanting to be with you-if that's why you two stopped seeing each other-then maybe now is the time to re-evaluate what matters." Taking his glasses off, he carefully places them in his pocket. "I can't force you to go, but there's a patient at GW that could really use a friend right now."  
  
"This will be political suicide if I go to him. I can't. It's not that I don't want to-I want to more than anything-but I'm not so sure I can do that to him, or you." CJ winces, realizing how cold her words seem.  
  
"Screw what happens CJ! You're like a daughter to me, and I want you to be happy. What good is it if I win a second term if everyone around here has to forgo happiness? We're human beings, and that's the campaign that we're running. Humans feel love, and need, desperation, shame.We are the human side of politics." Somewhere in his speech, he makes it over to CJ, and wraps his arms around her, wishing that he could save her from this pain. "Go to GW, see how he's doing, and then make a decision from your heart, not your head."  
  
Standing, CJ doesn't even acknowledge Leo standing just a few feet away from her. She doesn't seem to be seeing anyone in the room.  
  
"You can't drive yourself," Jed points out, "You're in shock, and you're liable to be in an accident which won't do anyone any good."  
  
"I'll drive her, Sir." Leo steps towards her, and gently takes her hand in his, realizing that after she sees the Vice President there won't be a chance for him and her. Then he reminds himself that he barely stood a chance before. "Let me talk to Margaret, and we'll get my keys."  
  
CJ remains silent, unsure if she can speak without crying or releasing something that she shouldn't.  
  
@@@@  
  
The trip between the Oval office and the car is a blank to CJ, as is the trip through the hospital corridors. There is something about being back there, watching people rush through the hallways, that haunts her.  
  
She tells herself that it is the smell of cleaners and disinfectant that is making her feel so ill, but she knows that it's really fear and anxiety. On the drive over, she considered her options, telling herself that the drive was long enough to make the choices that were plaguing her. CJ was trying to be rational, and not let her heart make all of her decisions, but as she approaches the nurse's station, every predetermined idea she had falls by the wayside.  
  
"I'm here to see Vice President Hoynes," CJ almost whispers, afraid to vocalize her intentions.  
  
"Are you a family member?" the green clad nurse asks.  
  
"No," CJ confesses, afraid that she has no choice but to call the President and plea with him to use connections. "But I have to see him," she adds.  
  
Sensing CJ's desperation to see him, the nurse points down the hallway to where a group of men are standing in inconspicuous black suits. When she sees Ron, it becomes instantly clear that she's in the right place.  
  
"I need to see him, Ron. I have to." When he doesn't object, she walks into the room flanked by agents.  
  
Walking through the door, she feels her stomach drop. Seeing his form lying on the bed, his eyes closed, she can feel the tears forming.  
  
**He looks like he's.dead.**  
  
His complexion is much paler than she had anticipated. CJ's eyes scan his body, looking for whatever injuries he sustained when he was shot. Seeing only one piece of evidence, she sighs. The gauze patch over his shoulder sends waves of relief through her body. It could have been much worse-so much worse.  
  
Sitting down in the blue plastic chair beside him, CJ entwines her fingers around his and raises the dead weight to her mouth, gently kissing them and remembering how much she missed the sensation of his hands on her body, or holding her.  
  
"I've missed you, ya know? The past month has been so hard without you-not being able to be near you, knowing that we weren't going to be setting our work aside and build on whatever we had." Allowing her fingers to trail over the familiar flesh of his arm, CJ tenses with the realization of her confession. "I miss it-the games of twenty questions, and the conversations. I miss you." She can feel tears streaming down her face, finally escaping her control. It's a relief for her, to be able to finally acknowledge how she's felt without him.  
  
"It's kind of nice," John surprises her, his eyes opening slowly, "to know that you've missed me too." His voice is groggy and drained.  
  
This is the best way I could have woken up. This is what I need-to have her by my side.  
  
In sheer shock, she releases her grip on his hand, allowing it to drop back down to the bed with a thud. For a moment, his face contorts strangely, but he tries to mask his pain as best as he can.  
  
"Oh, God, I'm SO sorry-I was just so surprised when you."  
  
"I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry," Offering a weak smile, John watches as CJ stands, as if to leave. When she lowers her self to sit beside him on the bed, he sighs anxiously.  
  
"Okay, this is gonna drive me nuts. You cannot keep blaming yourself when I'm being stupid." Rubbing her hands gently over his abdomen, she tries to compose her thoughts. Her first instinct was to walk out now, knowing that he is okay, but something makes her want to stay. "You once asked what you were doing to me, but the truth is that I do these things to myself. I'm the one who brings this upon myself-anything that has been screwed up, so far, it's all me. That's not to say you won't someday have your chance to fuck up, but for now, it's all me. You didn't have to apologize for everything that went wrong, just because we were in love." CJ swallows her words, wishing that she hadn't just put it all out there for him. It feels like a chance she's taking-telling him how she feels.  
  
"So you're claiming temporary insanity?" The overt hostility in his voice is not intentional, but it is a reaction to her discussing their relationship in the past tense.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
**We seem to walk this path where we go around in circles-the minute one thing is worked out, another gets blown to hell. Is this the proof I've been looking for that we shouldn't be together?**  
  
"You're talking about 'us' past tense-like that was then, and this is now.Are we just friends now? Is that who we are to each other?" There is a certain sentiment in his voice, like a cross between anger and pain.  
  
How many times in one day can somebody try to kill me?  
  
"Do you want to know the truth? Or do you want the nice, easy answer?" CJ moves closer to him, resting her hand on his.  
  
"Just tell me the truth." he asks, nervous of what her answer might be.  
  
Don't let me regret that decision, please don't.  
  
"I was in love with you, probably since the state dinner. But you know how I prioritized us as less important than our jobs. When you walked out of my office, I tried to convince myself that it was only lust-not love." CJ watches the anxiety build in John's expression. "It's not lust-I still love you and need you. I knew that before I told myself that stupid lie. I was convinced that if we were apart for awhile, then maybe after the election we could get back together. But when Leo told me that you had been shot." Tears flood her blue eyes, as she remembers all the terrible thoughts that had crossed her mind.  
  
Gesturing towards the bed beside him, he encourages her to lie down. "I won't ever leave you again. I promise. I just thought that your insecurities about us were the proof that you wanted out, and I wanted to give you that chance. I was convinced that if you felt how I felt, none of those things would matter." Kissing her forehead, he watches as she curls into his shoulder.  
  
23_____  
  
"Word around the White House is that they don't know when we're breaking you out of here," CJ smiles as she helps him pull his pants up. "You know, I think I'd enjoy this much more if we weren't getting you dressed, and we weren't still in a hospital."  
  
"How did you manage to keep it under wraps for this long?"  
  
"The fact I want to make love to you, or the fact that you're getting out of hospital today?" She smirks as she zips his zipper and begins to button his shirt. "I lied at my briefings about what I knew. When the vultures asked for a day out, I told them I didn't know, and would get back to them."  
  
"Good work Madam Press Secretary." Leaning in to kiss her, John lets his left hand run the length of her torso. "I'm glad I have one good hand left."  
  
"Yeah, well, we're waiting until you have two, don't forget." Tucking his shirt into his pants, CJ watches as he pouts, amused by how far they've come in the last week.  
  
Everyday she left work early to visit him in the hospital, often staying until late at night, and it was obvious to the hospital staff that they were more than co-workers. How much more probably wasn't evident until the night when the nurse came in to give John his nightly pain shot, and found then entwined together on his hospital bed.  
  
And now, on his last day in hospital, CJ left work early to come and pick him up. Her goal was to drive him back to the observatory, and make sure he was going to be okay settling back into the house.  
  
"You know, the secret service can't understand why I'm refusing to drive in their cars. I keep telling them that if they had the sexiest woman in the world behind the wheel, I'd go, but they don't seem to be catching on." John laughs as CJ observes him trying to lift his bag.  
  
"Well it's probably best. I don't even want to begin to think about them right now. Besides, they should be able to get over their surprise, once they see the tail lights of my baby blue 65 convertible." Taking the bag from him and slinging it over her shoulder, CJ presses the button for the nurse to come in. "I'm thinking we're going to be outed after today, what do you think?"  
  
"I think you still have time to turn tail and run. But I'd like it very much if you'd stay." Leaning in for a tender kiss, John allows his left hand to rest at the base of her neck.  
  
Both of them are so caught up in the kiss that neither notices the nurse standing at the doorway, nor do they notice the smile on her face.  
  
"Mr Vice President, it's time for you to go." Gesturing for him to sit down in the wheelchair she brought him, the nurse watches as he releases CJ from his grasp and sits in the chair.  
  
"We're breakin' free Claudia Jean." He exaggerates his southern drawl to suit him, and ply a laugh from her.  
  
"In deed, now let's get out of here."  
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Laying down in his own bed at the Observatory, John can't believe that he's finally home. It's been a long week, he reminds himself, but it's all worthwhile in the grand scheme of things because CJ came back to him, of her own accord, and now he has a chance to make everything right between them.  
  
"Whatcha thinkin' cowboy?" CJ grins, noting his displeasure with being called cowboy.  
  
"I'm thinking that we need to mastermind a few more good nicknames for each other soon before I get so bitter about mine that I start calling you flamingo." John laughs as CJ's expression turns to one of sheer horror.  
  
"You did not just say what I think you did, did you?" Flopping down haphazardly on the bed, CJ props herself up on her elbow, considering his words.  
  
"I did, but only because you keep callin' me cowboy." John leans up against her, as much as he can, until he feels tugging in his shoulder.  
  
"I hate that nickname," CJ states flatly.  
  
"Cowboy? So do I?"  
  
"No, flamingo. It makes me feel.less feminine and like I have a long neck." CJ buries her head in the pillow beneath her, and remembers the first time she heard her secret service name. It had been appalling to her that the service would choose a name that would so obviously be disconcerting to her. Then again, she had to give them credit that regardless, they had chosen a name that people would remember.  
  
"But how can it make you feel like that? You are the most superb woman I know, and your neck, well, it's absolutely glorious." John nips at the base of her neck, enjoying the soft flesh he finds there.  
  
"You've been talking to the President again, haven't you?" CJ beams as John sucks at the area he's found. "And if I have a hickey tomorrow for the briefings, you can be the one to explain who the new man in my life is."  
  
"Oh, come on Ceej," he mumbles against her neck. "Telling them isn't such a hideous idea, is it?"  
  
"Hardly," she asserts, "but I don't think I want a picture of me on the front page with a hickey from you, captioned by 'Vice President's New Love'."  
  
"That hardly seems fair," John says, having stopped his previous ministrations. "You're my only love, so how can they write 'new'?"  
  
"Ha ha Mr. Vice President, you know what I mean." Watching him look at her, CJ can't help but feel a twinge of nervousness. If most of Washington didn't already know about their relationship, it would all be a matter of time before things came out to air.  
  
"Are you nervous, about everyone knowing about us?" John asks, somewhat afraid of the answer.  
  
"Kind of, but I think it's really great that you and I will finally be able to date like normal people-well, sort of at least-and that we will be able to go to state dinners without needing the guise of a politician's nightmare." Leaning against his good shoulder, CJ watches him formulate his next comment. "Don't take too long there, or I'll think you're selling me a line."  
  
"No, never. I was just wondering if you thought we'd raise too much hell if you stayed here tonight." John revels in the smell of her hair and the way she feels against his chest. There is something to be said for having her in his arms like that.  
  
"I think we could cause quite the riot if we were caught," CJ replies, choosing her words carefully.  
  
"Is that a no?"  
  
"No, that's an 'I think we could cause quite the riot'. But I say what the hell." After careful consideration, CJ amends her statement. "I think that we should be very careful about what we choose to care about, and I think that we should be tasteful in whatever we do. And, I think you need to remember that you and I don't go any further than laying together until you are one hundred percent well again. Do you accept my conditions?"  
  
Pretending to be pensive, John remains quiet for a few minutes, unsure of how exactly to phrase his next statement. Finally, the words come to him easily. "How long is it until I get a clean bill of health?"  
  
"About a month, Mr. Vice President, think you can handle that? It might be more, if you don't rest up now." CJ watches as he grimaces at her statement.  
  
"You're kidding, right?" When CJ doesn't refute her previous statement, John curses the bastard who shot him, and then tries to consider the good points. "But I get to fall asleep with you every night, right? And you promise that as soon as I'm better, we'll have a romantic night together?"  
  
"That depends," CJ teases.  
  
"Oh dear God, do I want to know what your conditions are?"  
  
"If you still love me in a month, then we'll work on a romantic evening." CJ moves her hand over his torso, enjoying the feeling of his body underneath it.  
  
"Then I'll start working on plans for it right away."  
  
"Let's get you undressed and ready for bed, before you fall asleep in your clothes and I have to figure out how to get you out of them without any help." CJ begins to unbutton his shirt and pull it over his shoulders when she stops briefly, pressing an ever so light kiss to the gauze patch over his right shoulder. Looking up and in to his eyes, CJ realizes that she's wanted to be this close to him for as long as it mattered, and nothing seemed to be stopping them now.  
  
24________ Getting John home from the hospital was the easy part of taking care of him, as CJ quickly discovered.  
  
It seemed like every time she figured out something that he needed (like a pillow to prop up his head during the news, or a glass of water after he spent an hour yelling at the movie they rented) he'd find something new to be pathetic about.  
  
The odd thing was that CJ was discovering that she didn't mind this pitiable version of her boyfriend-as she dared to use the word more and more frequently. Something about the boyish behaviour that he was displaying made her feel like maybe they did fit together-like they were imperfect beings together.  
  
One night, while watching the American President for the seventeenth time on TBS, John looked over to CJ, sound asleep fully clothed on top of the bed clothes. "Honey, wake up, 'cause it's late and you really need to get out of those clothes so you can get some real rest."  
  
When she doesn't move or acknowledge his words, John tries rubbing his hands over her stomach, hoping to peacefully wake her from her sleep. "Babe, come on, wake up." She still doesn't wake.  
  
Laying there, perched on his side, he presses a soft kiss to her temple and gets up to find a blanket to wrap around her.  
  
I love having her here every night, and I don't know what I'll do when I'm one hundred percent again and she decides to go back to her place at nights.  
  
She mumbles something incoherent in her sleep, and rolls onto her side, as if seeking him out. After a few minutes, she realizes that he isn't lying beside her and the realization draws her out of her sleep.  
  
"John?" She asks across the darkness.  
  
"I'm right here; I just wanted to get a glass of water." He lies down beside her, enjoying how her body instinctively wraps around him, her leg strewn across his hip, and her head burrowing into the crook of his arm. "Don't you want to get up and get undressed for bed?" he asks.  
  
"I don't really want to move. This is fine, thanks." CJ listens to his heartbeat, remembering how this is how she likes to fall asleep every night. When she does go back to her apartment, she hates how lonely it is, and how quiet her pillow is in comparison to his chest, and his rhythmic beating.  
  
**What happens when I go back to my place? What do I do then? I can't sleep knowing he's not across the bed from me, so how will I survive the rest of the campaign?**  
  
"Go back to sleep," he tells her. He's always worried she's not getting enough rest between doting on him and taking care of the guys at work.  
  
"And miss the end of our movie?" She watches the television screen without her contact lenses, noting how much AJ looks like President Bartlet. "I really need my contact lenses to watch things that are that far away, or I need a break from the campaign. Those people are starting to look like our staff," she giggles into his chest, remembering a time that being this close to him was only a dream.  
  
"It is our movie, isn't it?" John watches as CJ squints, trying to make out what's happening. "You know that we probably are the only people on the face of the planet that have to watch this movie every time it comes on the air?"  
  
"Probably," she concedes, "but we can make fun of all the mistakes they make in the characterizations of the White House. For example, they don't have an excruciatingly hot Vice President."  
  
"And then I wonder if you've been taking my pain pills." Kissing her forehead, John watches her snuggle into him. "I love you," he whispers.  
  
"I love you too, Cowboy."  
  
"You've got to stop saying that," he teases.  
  
"Why? You're my cowboy-that's mine, and mine alone." CJ snickers as she speaks thinking of the connotations, and praying he doesn't beat her to them.  
  
"And every time you say that, I feel like I should be saying 'let's saddle up.' We both know damn well we can't yet, so why torture ourselves?" John watches as she settles in, obviously ready to fall back asleep.  
  
"Just get better and I'll take care of the rest." Her breathing evens out, and John knows that she's fast asleep for the night.  
  
25_________ As everyone gathers in Leo's office for staff, CJ begins to wonder what the merit is telling her coworkers that she is involved with John.  
  
**Telling them is going to be a disaster because they're all going to act as rationally as I did when John and I first started seeing each other. And as much as I want their approval, I've already made up my mind. Nothing is going to change that, so I guess.Damn, I hate having to do this.**  
  
"CJ, you had something you wanted to talk about today?" The President looks across the room, and considers how she's going to do this. Nodding her head, she stands up, and then tries to hold back the bile that's building in her stomach.  
  
"Come on Ceej, I have meetings after this," Josh whines.  
  
"Shut up Josh," the President grumbles, watching his usually vocal and very expressive press secretary falter for words.  
  
"Okay, here's the thing. I've been seeing someone for awhile now, and I think that you guys need to know about it, 'cause it could have minor repercussions on our campaign." She doesn't breath between any words, instead just pushing them out of her diaphragm all at once.  
  
"We've all agreed there would be no more call girls-please CJ don't say that you broke that one," Toby snickered, unable to fathom who could be so bad for their campaign. "It's not anybody in this room, is it?" Looking around, he considers that to be his worst case scenario.  
  
"No, no call girls and nobody in this room, but he does serve at the pleasure of the President as well." CJ kind of laughs at Toby's assumption that it would be someone in this room. Then again, is the truth much better? "I've been seeing John Hoynes," she says, hoping that by not using his title, it would differentiate the man from the job.  
  
Sam starts laughing, convinced that CJ is joking. "Come on Ceej, seriously, who is it?"  
  
"Do I have to keep telling you guys to shut up?" Jed leans against his desk, wondering how some of the most brilliant political minds in the world can be so dense sometimes.  
  
"John Hoynes and I have been seeing one another since the first campaign trip." CJ confesses quietly, watching the expressions of dismay on the faces of her closest friends. "We had put our relationship on hold, but after some re-evaluation, we've decided that we would rather pursue this."  
  
"How many people know? How big of a mess is this?" Toby runs his hand through his beard, unsure of what to say. "You can't date the Vice President Ceej."  
  
"Says who?" Jed watches the mess unfolding before him. "I don't have any issues with them seeing each other, so why should you? I stand to lose the most if there were a problem, but since there won't be, what does it matter?"  
  
"We can't guarantee there won't be a problem, I think is what Toby is trying to say in his own grumpy way." Josh waits to see who responds, for fear that CJ will tear him apart.  
  
"We have the best communications team a President could ask for, and if there is going to be any problem, I have faith that you guys can diffuse it. Besides, I think it's nice that we have two people on our team in love. Move on guys, there's no issue. I just wanted the announcement so you wouldn't be shocked when they show up together somewhere." Jed sighs, rubbing his temple and wanting to wrap his arms around CJ and tell her that everything would be okay.  
  
"Thank you Mr. President." CJ doesn't look around the room. She knows that they are all staring at her-she can feel their eyes boring holes in the shield she had put up before she walked into the meeting.  
  
As the people leave the room, CJ holds back to talk to the President and Leo. When the door to the outer office closes, CJ gathers her composure and turns to the two remaining men.  
  
"Do I need to resign? Honestly." She waits anxiously for their answer, fearing the wrong response.  
  
"Stop it CJ, now. Don't do the martyr thing, because you know I won't accept your resignation over something like this. I'm happy for you, and you know that. I hope that you and John find all the happiness you could ever want." Jed waits for Leo to intercede and wish her well.  
  
"I want you to be happy CJ, and if being with the Vice President is what does it, then why would I be angry?" Leo forces a smile and then waits for the silence to be broken. It isn't easy for him to give her his best wishes under the circumstances.  
  
"I don't want to hurt our chances. I love you guys all too much to take that away from you." CJ awkwardly leaves the room and then debates what she can do to make the feeling in the pit of her stomach disappear.  
  
@@@  
  
The rest of the day is a daze for CJ, and it isn't until her drive home until she realizes that it was all worth it. No matter what anybody else thought, she was going to go to her boyfriend's house, and spend an evening just relaxing with him.  
  
**Having someone to go home to makes it all worthwhile-especially when that someone is John. I don't think I care anymore that Toby and Josh are pissed at me, or that Sam thinks it's all a big joke. I know the truth. I know how much he loves me, and how much I love him.**  
  
Going through the security checkpoint, CJ drives over to the observatory, not totally sure why she feel so comfortable and as she pulls up into what she's come to think of as her parking spot, she stops to breath before going inside.  
  
"Hi honey I'm home," she says, mocking the television sitcoms of old.  
  
When nobody appears, CJ thinks that perhaps she made it home before John. "Hello?" she calls down the hallways, looking for him. When she wanders into the dining room, she smiles, seeing the table set for dinner, and a dashingly dressed John sitting at the end.  
  
"I wanted to do something that you could enjoy tonight. A nice, peaceful dinner-no work talk, and maybe even a little cuddling after dessert." John grins, hoping that she won't stick to her rule of waiting until he's better.  
  
"Ah, so you're trying to dine me into sleeping with you, huh?" CJ sits beside him, looking over the table, in awe that he managed to remember all of her favourite foods.  
  
"You sleep with me every night. I'm trying to convince you to let me make love to you." His good hand resting on her knee, John waits for her reaction.  
  
"As good as that sounds, we've agreed that your health is more important than some things and sex is one of them. Now, after dinner cuddling and falling asleep together is still a good option. Whenever your doctor says yes to sex and exercise, you won't be able to keep me off of you, I assure you."  
  
"That makes me feel better, in a way, but I still have this urge." John blushes, thinking about the dreams he's been having again and the idea of him and CJ making love.  
  
"Well, I might be able to do a few things for you that won't push your blood pressure too high, or at least that won't make you too tired." CJ relaxes into her seat and looks over the food before her. "How did you know I'd be home now?"  
  
"I like when you say home.It feels like you won't be going anywhere." John looks at the food before them while he considers what to say next. "When you say home, it's like you're not going back to your place, and we're going to be together forever. Our own little family," he smiles, looking up at her and hoping he isn't pressuring her.  
  
"Well this is home, in its own way, and even if I do go back to my place." CJ stumbles over her words, unsure of what to say.  
  
"You don't have to," John says reassuringly. "Let's have dinner. There's tonnes of time to discuss this."  
  
"Yeah," CJ agrees, smiling.  
  
26___________ The campaign had been fast moving, and finally on that November evening, everyone seemed too excited to stop. There was something to being at the deciding point in their careers that made everyone absolutely crazy on election night.  
  
Sam and Mallory had been seen at several points of the evening running through the West Wing, hand in hand. Ever since she broke up with that hockey player, things have been better for Sam. It's like he finally has a reason to do something more than work and Mallory is it. Well, between Mallory and his new focus on the California race, Sam seems preoccupied.  
  
Leo has been struggling to get over the fact that his deputy communications director is bedding his daughter, but the harder pill for him to swallow is that CJ is so much happier now that things are back on track between her and the Vice President. Although Leo had always wanted nothing but the best for CJ, he had always pictured himself there with her, and enjoying her company. As the relationship between John and CJ became stronger and more enduring, there was less hope for him. Everyone had sensed a change in Leo over the past few months, but it wasn't until Margaret came into his office on election day and stood before him that he realized how much everyone loved him-and her in particular.  
  
Toby was still gruff and prickly Toby. Wandering the halls of the West Wing in search of something--ANYTHING to do-Toby stumbled upon his best friend reading over notes for that evening.  
  
"Can I come in," he asks in his usual mumble.  
  
"Only if you promise not to rain on my parade Pokey, and if you do, I'm gonna have to kick your ass." CJ doesn't even look up from her briefing books, further instilling the fear into Toby that only she can.  
  
"Why are you so happy? We don't have any of the polling results yet." Standing behind the chair across from her, Toby wonders how she does it-how she remains so calm despite the fact that all the people around her are going crazy.  
  
"Because I know that the men I love more than anything in this world will pull it together and win this one for us." Finally tearing herself away from her book, she looks up at his concerned face.  
  
"You know, I was one of the ones who thought we'd take a hit for the thing between you and Hoynes, and I was one of the ones who went crazy when you told us." Toby speaks as if in a confessional, still not sure if she has forgiven him.  
  
"Do you think I forgot about that Pokey?" Looking over her glasses she watches him shift uncomfortably from foot to foot.  
  
"I had hope until you said that, I guess."  
  
"Well I didn't, because you of all people should know how much John means to me, but you know what, it's the least of my concerns now. We're finally at the point where it's just him and me in this relationship. There are no more you, no more President, or Leo, or anyone else. Just us." CJ looks back down at her notes, remembering how much it had hurt her to have her best friends demean the relationship she was building.  
  
"That's why I brought it up. I.uh.I wanted to say sorry, and that I wouldn't blame you if you were still pissed at me, but I hope that you can eventually forgive me." Toby can't bring himself to look at her; for fear that she won't forgive him quite so easily.  
  
"No matter what happens today Toby, John and I are going on with our lives. Can you live with that? If you can't, walk away and never come back into my life. I'm making my choice." She looks up, noticing how sad he seems at the prospect of losing his best friend.  
  
"I want you to be happy, finally, and I can see that he does that for you. I think that maybe that's the hardest part-admitting that you've moved on and I haven't." Toby watches her stand up, and walk around her desk. A part of him is fearful, remembering that time she hit him in University many years ago for implying that educated women were just glorified house wives.  
  
"Don't look so scared, Tobias. I just want to hug you." Reaching her arms around him, she whispers into his ear. "I forgave you a long time ago-I'm just glad you finally said the words."  
  
A few moments later, there's a knock at the door. Opening to reveal John, CJ beams as she looks at him. "So, how are we feeling Mr. Vice President?"  
  
"Better now that I've escaped the fan fair that is the hall. I can't wait until they start announcing-the sooner this is over, the sooner we can move on with our lives" Finally, acknowledging Toby, John turns to him and offers his hand. "You've done an exceptional job on this campaign, and I just want you to know how much that means to me."  
  
"Thank you Mr Vice President, I really appreciate that." Toby finally feels as if they are all past the turmoil that has been the past few months.  
  
"I'm going to see if Josh is drunk yet, and if he is, I'm sure Donna could use a hand getting him cleaned up before the announcements." Offering a hand to CJ, and then to John, Toby walks out of the room, finally secure in the knowledge that not only has he not lost his best friend, but he may have gained an adversary.  
  
Closing the door behind him, CJ turns back to John who is resting against her desk. "You agree it's rather appropriate that the doctor finally gave you the go ahead on strenuous exercise on election night?" Pushing her body against him, she watches as his eyes travel over her. "You've got to love the irony in that."  
  
"I have to say, at this moment, I'd rather just take you home and make love to you, but since you're going to make me stay." John pulls her in for a deep kiss, allowing his hands to travel her body, and caress all the sensitive areas he's discovered in the past month and a half, but hasn't been able to explore.  
  
"Damn right. I'd like to know how badly we kicked Ritchie's ass, wouldn't you?" Pressing harder against him, she offers a confession to him. "Either way, tonight you and I have to celebrate the beginning of us. Right? We're finally going to be able to make love to each other, and we will, several times, and then we will fall asleep in each other's arms and face tomorrow together. Good plan?"  
  
"Oh, very, VERY good."  
  
Pressing a light kiss to her collar bone, John takes her hands in his and then looks her up and down again. "You really should change for tonight, you realize? A couple hours with a drunken Josh and he'll ruin your suit."  
  
"And here I thought all you wanted tonight was for me to get undressed." Wryly, CJ grins, thinking about how far they've come since the first dinner they attended together.  
  
"That too, but I want to have the first dance with you when they announce our victory. That will make everyone in the building jealous of me, I know it." Pulling his hands away from her, John watches her disappointment at their separation. "Now, I've got to go and see if the President wants me to stand in any one particular spot and smile, but I will see you soon."  
  
As the door closes, CJ releases the anxious sigh that has been forming in her stomach ever since he entered her office. There's something to how he loves her that makes her feel secure in everything she encounters.  
  
**Gotta get dressed CJ, standing here drooling all night won't do anything. The sooner you get out there and celebrate, the sooner you get to go home with that exceptional man.**  
  
27______ When they walk through the door of what has become their bedroom, CJ looks around and then back at John. "We're finally alone! Isn't this great-no more smiling for the night, no more talking to a billion people?"  
  
"Were you expecting random people to jump out from behind the dresser, or was that just a general observation?" He teases, running his hand along her forearm.  
  
His breath catches in his throat when her long arm reaches behind her, followed by the sound of a zipper opening. Her hands slowly push the thin spaghetti straps off of her shoulders as she lessens the space between her body and John's. Pulling her sweater over her shoulders and the blouse over her head, CJ steps out of her pants and stands before John wearing her lace strapless bra and matching bikini panties.  
  
"Okay, I'm half done, so what are you doing?" She offers him a mischievous grin, watching his eyes travel her body. "It's nothing new, Mr. Vice President."  
  
"But you're still stunning-you've got to let me appreciate you. You're absolutely phenomenal." Leaning in, he presses his body against hers and peppers her neck with soft kisses.  
  
Her hands make quick work of his suit jacket, dress shirt and pants, allowing them to join her dress on the floor. "I like it when we can be like this," CJ moves her hands over his chest, and her lips find the way to his shoulder scar. When he cringes, CJ searches his eyes for an answer.  
  
"I hate that-the scar. It's so ugly," John sighs, reading her mind and nervous of what she thinks of it.  
  
"Ya know, I don't mind it so much. I hate that you were in pain, but I don't mind it because it's a part of you now." She drags her lips across the red and pink flesh, watching his eyes as he stares down at her.  
  
How can she not be appalled by my scar?  
  
"I love you-the fact that you are so sexy is an added bonus, really." Kissing her way up to his face, until she is inches from his lips, CJ tries to gauge his response to her actions. "I love you because you are an amazing man who treats me like I'm the only woman that matters in the world, and you love me despite all my flaws, and you're just.indescribable." Passionately kissing him, CJ pulls them back onto the bed, and lets John take control of their lovemaking.  
  
He drags his lips across her flat stomach, revelling in the smooth skin and warmth that he finds there. His lips circling around her navel, John watches her eyes close and listens to the way her breath catches in her throat.  
  
Kissing his way up her abdomen, John stops at her breasts, sucking softly at her nipples through the thin material covering her and letting his teeth threaten the sensitive skin. When she pushes her body up against him, John understands that her body is requesting more, and he continues his ministrations more diligently.  
  
"oh." she moans, barely able to string a coherent thought together in her head.  
  
"Does that mean you'd like me to stop?" A mischievous glint in his eye dares her to tell him what she wants.  
  
"That means.God, John.that I want you so badly," she nearly pants.  
  
Her skin is flushed pink, and her face is glowing, he thinks as he unclasps the bra, freeing her breasts. Pushing the material off of her and letting it fall to the bed, John continues to tease her nipples, his sucking and licking motions varying from barely touching her to firm and obvious.  
  
John's hands are entwined with hers as he straddles her hips and his mouth ravishes her breasts. She closes her eyes as she feels the pressure building in her abdomen, and forcing its way lower.  
  
"I want." she begins, feeling slightly awkward and more than slightly distracted.  
  
"What do you want, Claudia Jean? Tell me and I'll give it to you," he says, his lips vibrating against a pert nipple.  
  
"I want you..inside me." she mumbles, squeezing his hands tighter.  
  
Releasing her hands and moving down her body, John slowly begins to remove her panties, fingering the waistband to tease her, letting one finger dart below the fabric for only a second, and removing it almost as quickly. As she raises herself towards him, he decides he's played enough, and he gently pulls the lace over her hips and down her legs. Watching it drop to the floor, he then eases out of his boxers and allows them to join her panties.  
  
Positioning himself over her hips again, he listens to her rapid breathing. She can feel his erection against her thigh as he leans forward and presses a kiss against her lips. "Are you sure?" he asks tenderly.  
  
CJ nods, and moves her hands up his muscular thighs to his hips.  
  
He doesn't know how long he'll last if he keeps looking at her, and once he feels how ready she is for him, he knows it won't be long. Gently pressing himself into her, inch by inch, he watches her face to be sure she's comfortable. When she moans, he pushes a little further, and when she's silent he slows his motion, moving her hand in his.  
  
The sensation of her being all around him overwhelms him, making him realize the reality that they truly are making love to one another.  
  
His thrusting motions begin long and slow, giving her time to adjust to him, but as she bucks against him, and pulls his hips towards her, he complies with her demands and moves faster within her. Freeing his one hand, he moves it between them, allowing his thumb to caress her clitoris while he moves in and out of her. Feeling the pulsating building even more strongly in her, CJ tries to fight her orgasm and wait for him.  
  
Rolling her hips, she wraps her legs around him, taking him deeper inside and letting him fill her.  
  
Moving their hands to the pillow above CJ's head, John leans in until he is face to face with CJ and presses a long, soft kiss to her lips, his tongue exploring her mouth. "I love you," he whispers, slowing his motions as he feels her coming, and taking him over the edge with her. They are both filled with surges of heat, her vaginal walls contracting around him, and his penis emptying in her. John collapses down on top of her, revelling in her scent and the taste of her neck.  
  
Pressing a soft kiss to the nape of her neck, John supports his weight on his knees, and then runs a finger down her chest, drawing a pattern of hearts across her torso.  
  
"You okay?" he asks, when she doesn't say anything, and she hasn't moved.  
  
"Uh huh," she says, watching his finger. "I love you."  
  
"Did I hurt you?" Carefully moving to the spot beside her, he is nervous to touch her for fear of making whatever's wrong worse.  
  
"No, not at all-you were amazing," CJ confesses, shifting on to her side to face him.  
  
"Then what's wrong?" John watches her, examining her and looking for any indication of what could have gone wrong.  
  
"Absolutely nothing. For the first time since we've together, nothing is wrong, and it feels so wonderful." CJ finally smiles.  
  
"You sure have a way of giving a guy a complex, don't you?" He closes his eyes for a moment, wishing that they could have just laid there quietly without having a conversation that would make things uncomfortable between them.  
  
"I'm sorry," she says, speaking into his neck. "I just.you were amazing and the entire thing was just so unbelievable." Resting her leg over his hip, she pulls herself closer to him. "This-being with you and making love with you-this is what I want. That's what I was thinking, in case you were wondering."  
  
John opens his eyes to stare into her deep blue ones. "I was wondering, I admit it."  
  
"Now, you just did an awful lot of work, and I got most of the pleasure." CJ begins before John cuts her off abruptly.  
  
"This may sound lame, but it's seeing that look in your eye-the one you had when we.I don't think anything in my life has ever been better."  
  
"This is really pretty perfect," she says, letting her hands travel over his chest. "I look forward to many more nights like this."  
  
"I promise them to you," he breaths into her hair. "Let's get some sleep- we have the rest of our lives to do this."  
  
Pulling her even closer, their bodies filling into one another's, John breathes in her scent and realizes there's only one thing left for him to do.  
  
28_______ Waking up in his arms isn't anything new, CJ reminds herself as she feels her heart skip a beat at the knowledge that his arms are wrapped protectively around her.  
  
She looks over his face, increasingly interested in the soft creases across his forehead, showing that he has a tendency to worry too much. He's smiling, faintly, and she wonders if that's because they're together, and there isn't anything to keep them apart. She knows that's why she's smiling.  
  
"Would you stop staring at me," John laughs, his eyes still closed. At one point in his life, he would have found someone staring at him that intensely to be disarming, but this is CJ-his CJ-and if nothing else, it's incredibly endearing.  
  
"How do you know I'm staring at you?" CJ enquires, loving the easy banter.  
  
Opening his eyes and adjusting his body nearer to hers, John presses a kiss against her nose. "I can tell when you're looking at me. I just can."  
  
"Oh really?" she asks, fascinated by his confession.  
  
"Yep. I love you Claudia Jean."  
  
"So we have the morning off, and we're already in bed," CJ hints, watching his eyes light up.  
  
"I have a better idea. Stay here, and don't get dressed." John smiles as he kisses her cheek and gets out of bed, grabbing his robe from the door on his way out.  
  
**I'm so lucky, it's unbelievable.**  
  
Fifteen minutes later, the scent of coffee is wafting through the air, and she wants to get out of bed, but doesn't dare ruin whatever he's planning. Another ten minutes later, CJ has fallen asleep, and John's returned to the room, tray in hand.  
  
"Wake up angel," he says, pressing a hand against her abdomen and encouraging her to roll onto her back. When her eyes don't open, John presses kisses to her collarbone and waits for them to flutter back to reality.  
  
"I like waking up like that," she says flatly as she runs her hand through his hair.  
  
"I'll make sure to do it more often, I promise." He sits upright again and then lifts a tray off the floor. "I thought that we could share a breakfast in bed," he says casually.  
  
"John, there's enough food here to feed an army!" she laughs at the huge smile on his face, indicating just how proud he is of himself.  
  
"Well, we did work off a tonne of calories last night, and I thought that we might need our energy later, so I just had the cook make a bit of everything for us." John looks over the tray, deciding what he wanted to feed her first. "Where do you want to start?" he asks.  
  
"How about with the pancakes?" She says, looking over the food before her.  
  
This is how I want to spend the rest of my life. To hell with anything more than us.  
  
@@@@@  
  
Long days. They had always been used to them, but since CJ moved into the observatory, and their relationship was becoming common knowledge around DC, being apart for 19 hours a day was quickly becoming more trying.  
  
After another nineteen hour day, CJ stumbles through the door of the observatory. Her shoes are killing her.  
  
**Whoever made Manolo Blahnik a 'God' deserves to be killed.**  
  
"CJ?"  
  
"John? You're still awake?" CJ walks in the direction of his voice, leading her to the kitchen.  
  
"I am," he smiles, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing soft kisses against her lips. "I woke up and you still weren't here. I was getting worried."  
  
CJ laughs. "Worried, huh? I'm always late. Granted, three in the morning is a little less common than my standard midnight, or one. But it's been hairy. Concannon is being a pain in the butt again."  
  
"Come up stairs, I'll make your day end on a better note. I promise," John says, leading her by the hand up to their room.  
  
Let's hope this goes as well as I hope it will.  
  
"Honey, I'm really, REALLY tired," CJ mumbles. "You might need to start my day better tomorrow, after I've had a bit of sleep."  
  
Snickering, John looks her up and down, tightening his grip on her hand. "Wow, I've already lost appeal to you?"  
  
CJ sighs. "You know what I mean."  
  
Finally opening the door to the room, CJ is surprised by the candles that are lining virtually every surface to be seen, and the vases full of flowers which would normally are dispersed through out the observatory.  
  
"So I should blow out the candles and let you go to sleep?" John watches as she collapses on the bed. When she just mumbles in response, he blows out all of the candles and then moves to the bed, lifting her legs on to the mattress and under the sheets.  
  
She's already asleep. So much for doing this tonight.  
  
"I guess I'll just ask you tomorrow." He whispers against her hair, listening to her breathing.  
  
"Ask me what?" she asks groggily.  
  
"It will wait. Don't worry." Brushing her hair to frame her face, he drags his fingers over her lips. "Get some sleep."  
  
"No, no, no," CJ pulls her body off the mattress and waits a second before continuing. "We haven't had time to talk, and now you have a question for me, and I can muster enough energy to answer for you."  
  
Not the circumstances I wanted, but I should work with it, while she's still awake.  
  
"I went shopping a few days ago. I had a few things to pick up to send to my sister, and then I wanted to buy you a couple things for tonight. I had this elaborate plan. It just seems to have.I forgot who we are, I guess."  
  
CJ watches John, unsure of why he is suddenly so melancholy.  
  
"But that's not what matters. What matters is this. I remember that we sometimes only get to spend a matter of hours together during the course of the day and that we often spend those asleep."  
  
"Things will get better, you know that, right?" CJ runs her hands over his shoulders, and waits for him to respond, concerned by the sudden downturn his mood seems to have taken.  
  
"I know that some days I feel like things are harder than they should be. But then I look at you, and I don't care what work is like, as long as you still come home to me, and I come home to you." John smiles when he can see a blush creep across CJ's face. "I want you to marry me." He takes the ring box from the bedside table drawer and holds it between them. "That's the question I want you to answer."  
  
CJ can see a faint shimmer of a diamond between them, and the moonlight reflecting softly off the gold. Reaching to turn on the bedside light, she turns back to John, watching his anxious eyes search hers.  
  
Leaning in, CJ presses her lips against his. "I can think of nothing I would like more than to be married to you. Yes, yes of course!"  
  
John smiles as he takes her left hand in his, and gently glides the diamond ring on to her slender finger. "It's official now," he kids, "you have to come home to me from now on in, and I have to come home to you."  
  
"I can make that sacrifice," CJ returns, grinning, "for this ring, at least." Pulling him into an embrace, CJ marvels at how far they've come.  
  
"I love you Claudia."  
  
"I love you too. Now let's celebrate!" CJ gingerly runs her fingers over John's chest, and waits for his reaction.  
  
"I thought you were tired," John teases, knowing that they are both fully energized now, and that at work tomorrow they will both be useless.  
  
"Yeah, well.Suddenly I'm feeling much more alert."  
  
The end. 


End file.
